


evermore

by threepios



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Angst, Death, Multi, Slow Burn, Tags to be added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:55:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28890978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/threepios/pseuds/threepios
Summary: Starting a new life in Seattle, Jamie Shepherd follows her brother to Seattle Grace. A hospital that turns their lives upside down.
Relationships: Mark Sloan/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> me: *vanishes for many nights*  
> also me: time to reappear in a new fandom and start another book :D
> 
> This book will contain very serious topics, chapters will be tagged as needed.

**"MARK** **_WHAT_ ** **?"**

Jamie had never expected to open the door and find her disheveled and drunk brother on the doorstep. The first thing that had hit her was the stench of vodka on his person, the bags next to him were drenched by the large drops that pelted from the sky. He didn't even seem to notice that he was shivering in the cold, his eyes emotionless although filled with tears and red rimmed, Derek was seemingly lost. She had planned on a normal night, curled up in a blanket with some hot cocoa, and study; she never planned to have her brother show up and say those words that seemed to still the world around her:

" _I caught Mark and Addison having sex_."

Now that was certainly going to slide away her night of wishful drinking, the air around them seemed to cool instantly and her heart gave a painful murmur. Jamie definitely never expected to hear those words.

"Sex," Derek said numbly, unaware to the tears collecting in his sister's eyes. He dropped the duffle bag in his hands and dramatically shrugged his shoulders. "I got enough time off to-to, uh, bring us back together and-and I got home... his jacket was _right there_ and I refused to believe it— I-I _couldn't_ believe it.." He seemed genuinely in shock as his eyes shifted to the ground, the pavement under him more interesting than the warming hue of his sister's home.

She pulled the blanket tighter against her body, wanting nothing more than to vanish inside the fluffy blue and grey comforter. The comfort it offered would later be thwarted due to who had gotten her that blanket one Christmas 3 years ago, the wide grin and tasteful words he passed to her as she brought it over them both, hiding them from the outside world. Discreetly, she blinked away her tears and opened her door more for Derek to enter.

He glanced behind her as if searching for a reason he shouldn't enter. All he could find were arrays of photos that contained himself and their family, some of her friends; he deemed it safe and he knew that he would avoid anything that would cause him to fall over the edge. Derek bent down and grabbed his bags, once through the threshold Jamie closed the door behind him and locked three separate locks and then pressed her back against the door.

"Do you-Do you want some hot cocoa?" She clutched the blanket and walked past him with a shiver, barely blinking at the water collecting around him. She'd deal with it later. Right now, her biggest concern was making Derek feel like himself or a fraction of himself. Her steps were quiet and fragile, almost as if she were tiptoeing about a cliff trying to avoid a long fall.

"No." His voice was detached and hollow, blinking slowly as if he was in a daze.

Jamie paused in her steps and looked back at him sadly, she glanced down at the water once again and shifted her jaw from side-to-side. She walked back to him and helped him slowly peel off his jacket, flopping to the floor with a squish. His shirt stuck to his chest and was practically see through and easily exposed how heavily he was breathing, almost as if he were panicked and wishing to be there for any other reason. She turned and grabbed one of her oversized Columbia University hoodies, allowing him to throw his shirt down on the ground and then tugging the hoodie over his head. She then placed the blanket over his shoulders and turned her back to him, picking up his wet clothes and going towards the laundry room.

"Please take a seat and, erm, make yourself at home." She felt as though the whole air in the home was now strained, filled with a bitter sadness. She heard her brother's loud strides as he made his way to the living room which had been set up for her study night.

Once Derek was at a distance where he couldn't possibly hear her, Jamie pressed her hand against her mouth and clenched her eyes closed.

_Mark Sloan_. It shouldn't be a surprise that he would end up in someone's bed, not a surprise that he would be ultimately caught and cause grief to whomever it was he had screwed over. It had happened before and ended with Mark in her living room nursing a black eye and a glass of scotch while she scolded him for his foolish act. This time however, Jamie had no wish to see Mark nor did she want to hear Addison's mocking of him the next day ( _"Well, it looks like someone was unfaithful last night. Let me guess, Sue? Or was it Amber?"_ ) rather she'd want to give them both a black eye herself.

She felt a lot of anger well up within her gut as she thought about how absurd the idea of Addison sleeping with Mark would sound only 20 minutes ago. She would've laughed in the face of anyone that suggested such; Addison despised Mark and Mark wasn't overly too fond of her sister-in-law either. (There were some occasions, at private family dinners, that Addison and Mark would engage in heated conversation, something offensive that Addison brought up and would continue to talk about while Mark responded passively).

Yet that world seemed like an alternate universe that ended up with Derek Shepherd in tears and Jamie contemplating everything in the recent past.

She felt her phone vibrate in long beats, she reached into her sweats and looked at the screen with little to no emotion.

**FROM: Mark**

_Hey, can we talk?  
_ _I can stop by?_  
_By the way you haven't jumped to respond I assume Derek stopped by.  
_ _Jamie?_

Jamie let out a scoff, stuffing her phone back into the depths of her sweats and made her way back to where her brother sat. In her absence he had taken the bottle wine she had set out, he was in the middle of chugging some of it when she entered and flopped down on the couch next to him. She looked at his side profile while Derek just focused on not pouring the beverage all over himself, he then lifted the bottle close enough where he didn't need to squint.

" _Henri Jayer_?" Derek pondered, squinting as his head fell back to look over at his sister. "How'd you afford this?"

Jamie shuddered, her fingers playing with her ear. "It was a gift."

"One hell of a gift." He dropped the bottle to his side and turned his attention to the ceiling.

Jamie just watched her brother with a furrowed brow. "Der," her voice was delicate, treading on dangerous territory, "are you okay?"

The noise that left his body was similar to someone who had seen too much. "Ah, yes, I'm terrific, James."

Jamie's eyebrows twitched upwards. "Derek.."

The darkness that clouded his eyes made Jamie's head fall to his shoulder and stare at the fireplace in front of them. Derek wasn't an overly punctual person but he was usually optimistic, confident even. This was drunk Derek and drunk Derek usually was nothing more than sad and regretful (unless in a party setting of course). Her head raised as he took a deep breath and then released. He was tired.

"You know," he closed his eyes. "I threw Addison out at first. I was going to leave her outside while I tried to gather my wits back but all she did....she-she just cried and said that ' _It was one time, Derek. He was here._ ' He was there and I wasn't."

Jamie had lent back, watching as the muscles in his jaw jumped and his eyebrows twitched. She blinked furiously. " _He was here._ " She thought.

"I'm grabbing the rest of my things tomorrow, I-I can't stand to look at her so... I came here." He finally opened his eyes. They revealed to her all the emotions he was experiencing at once. Derek's shoulders slumped and his eyes were suddenly heavy. "I-I'm sorry for dragging you—"

"It's okay," Jamie whispered.

Derek grumbled and his hands clenched. He struggled to keep his eyes open as his voice came out strained and slow.

"Is it okay if I sleep here?"

Jamie nodded although Derek couldn't see. She reached out and placed her hand on his head, patting. "Get some rest, old man."

Derek barely acknowledged the tease at the end of her sentence because he was out cold. A soft snore escaped his nose. She let out a heavy breath and guided him down, lifting his legs up on the couch and then gently placing the blanket over him. Jamie bit her lower lip as she gathered her flashcards on the ground. The color coded writing caused a hand to reach in her gut; her exams were quickly approaching and here she was discovering her sister-in-law's infidelity and her... best friend's escapades.

Jamie dimmed the lights in the room, halfway up the stairs when there was a rather reverberate knock on the front door. She let out a spiteful hiss. She really didn't want Derek to wake up just after he'd been able to get himself to sleep, to gain some type of sleep after the painful day he had.

The knock came again, this time even louder.

"For God's sake," she stomped over to the door and opened it. "What—"

He stood there with his arm raised obviously going for another knock. His blue eyes were piercing as he stared down at her, his lips didn't quirk up in their familiar swagger— they were pressed together almost nervously. His leather jacket was drenched and so was his usually curly hair, he looked almost sad standing in front of her.

If Jamie were in another situation, she would laugh at the thought of Mark Sloan being sad or anxious. It wasn't in his character.

In a split second she went to slam the door in his face when his hand pushed it back.

"Mark!" She spat through her teeth.

"Listen," he started as if the woman in front of him wasn't glaring holes into his head. "just-just listen to me."

"I don't need to." She waved a hand and glared. "I don't want to hear anything you have to say because I heard it from Derek— who is breaking down, sleeping on my couch because you're an asshole."

Mark blinked, looking over her head expecting his oldest friend to show up behind her and yell at him for his betrayal. He looked back down at Jamie, his tongue darting out to wet his lips as he stuffed his stiff hands into his pockets.

"I'm..." He wasn't exactly sure what he could say to make this easier. "Let's act like adults here—"

" _Adults_?" She snapped, she glanced back before shooing Mark and closed the door behind her. "You gave up your opportunity to be mature the moment you... did whatever with Addison."

Mark shook his head. "James, we were talking."

"Oh, yeah. You were talking with your dick, hm?" She let out a scoff and placed her hands on her hips, shaking her head. "I shouldn't be surprised, that's normal for you. When you said you would try, I was foolish enough to listen, Mark."

"I thought I could do it," he said softly, his chin tilted down and he looked through his lashes at her. His typical _look_. "But—"

"Being with me wasn't enough of a motive for you?" Jamie's eyes prickled with tears threatening to fall down her cheeks like the raindrops that beat against the pavement behind him. She quickly wiped away the one that managed to slip past her vicious hold. (Unlike most people in her life, Jamie hated showing her sadness or pain. She saw that as a weakness. It just revealed to the people around you that you weren't bulletproof, that you weren't someone that could stand up and take every hit.) She clenched her jaw, glaring at his chest instead of meeting his eyes.

"I thought after we talked— after you _promised_ you would try, that you would keep by your word. I thought maybe we could even tell Derek and he'd give you that stupid ' _hurt her and I kill you_ ' speech but you couldn't last a month!" She pushed him. Mark stumbled a bit, taking a cautious step back as Jamie joined him in the rain. "I told you I'd get better as long as you tried, Mark. Then you go and screw Addison! Addison, really?!"

"I-I..." The muscle in Mark's jumped while his eyes hardened. He wasn't one to stutter, to be lost for words or stumbling over himself. He was the one to speak clearly, firmly. Mark Sloan wasn't one to waver. "What happened wasn't right—"

"Oh my God," Jamie placed her hands against her eyes. She scoffed loudly, the sound making her whole body jerk with it. "You're unbelievable." 

"If you'd let me talk!"

Jamie dropped her hands, scowling at him as if he was the dirt under her shoe. "I don't want you do talk. I don't want you here, okay? You made your choice just... just leave, Mark." She walked towards her door, pausing to talk over her shoulder. "I hate you." She said it loud enough for the world to hear as if that confession would make him suddenly disappear. 

With that, James Shepherd left Mark Sloan alone in the rain. 


	2. chapter one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1x01

_Seattle Grace_ hospital loomed over her like a deathly shadow. She clutched onto her bag with a certain type of nervousness that made her want to sprint across the parking lot and get on a flight back to New York to hide in her apartment. Of course, that was ridiculous. Wanting to run back to New York was something the old Jamie would do before she could think properly; she would send a heartfelt apology to Derek and then go back to her boring life.

Yet as she gazed at the sterile white hospital, Jamie felt that her life would change the moment she stepped through those doors. It would be the start of her internship. She would leave all the drama in New York behind and become someone again.

"Here we go," she muttered under her breath, tugging her hair back as she approached the entrance.

Her footsteps felt light as she entered and the smell of hand sanitizer and just home hugged her. The corner of her lips twitched upwards in confidence as she took in a deep breath. There were people making their way through the area, those in dark blue scrubs held themselves with more swagger, their chins held high and spoke flatly. The ones in the light blue shuffled hesitantly, glanced around, and seemingly second guessed everything they were doing.

_Attendings_ and _residents_. Attendings were a piece that kept a teaching hospital running, they gave the information to the residents— the residents were a key part of how a teaching hospital worked because, very obviously, they were the ones being taught and keeping this program running (the interns were also a given but they didn't make as many life altering choices except in where they decided to go next). She was going to be an _intern_ , something that Derek reminded her daily that was at the bottom— she was only higher than a student.

She came to a stop in front of a neat sign with a big red arrow pointed down a hall. " _SEATTLE GRACE INTERNS ORIENTATION_ ". She turned a sharp right and followed other neatly dressed people down the hall towards an auditorium; some of the people around her looked anxious while others looked as though they wished they were anywhere else. Jamie hoped that her expression was hopeful but she also knew that she was dreading everything that would be thrown at her.

When she entered that auditorium she sighed peacefully, closing her eyes one second.

"Welcome," boomed a man at the center of the room, catching everyone's attention. "I'm Dr. Webber, Chief of Surgery. For the next seven years, your life will revolve around _me_."

_He sure is full of himself_. Jamie wrapped her arms around herself and assessed the man that spoke. Dr. Webber was tall, broad shoulders, and his hair was salt and pepper like. She tilted her head and continued to listen.

"This program is not for the weak-hearted, it is not for those who don't work well under stress because this is one of the most stressful careers available." He continued, pacing slowly to and from. He seemed to try to make eye contact with everyone as he spoke, punctuating his words to the point that they would engrain in one's soul. "You've survived sleepless nights of studying in the warmth and comforts of your dorms or homes. Those warm and comfy nights will begin and end here, you will begin to call the on-call room your home."

He slowly made his way up the stairs, with every eye on him, he turned to look at all 15 of the people in the room. "You'll lose those doe eyes by the end of this month. Follow me."

As if it were instinct, Jamie was the first to move, her fellow interns following her lead as Webber led them up stairs and through halls.

"You will know the ins and outs of this hospital before you know it. If you don't, you fall behind, if you fall behind, you lose. If you lose this internship, you'll never see the light of day as a doctor."

Jamie quickly deduced that Webber wasn't one to keep things optimistic and if he was, she apologized to the poor sap that would be on the receiving end of the encouragement.

He led them to a hall with a board—an _OR board_. Her eyes brightened and she almost wanted to reach out and touch the smudges of writing the schedules made her heart quicken the slightest.

_Carotid endarterectomy. Cholecystectomy. Coronary artery bypass. Debridement of burn. Hysteroscopy._

An array of surgeries that were inches away but millions of miles from her.

"This is the OR floor, this is the place you'll long for— ask for its hand in marriage— or even come to despise it. There are dozens of surgeries that take place every day but there are only few where you stop, breathe, and bask in your glory." This time, he seemed to speak from the heart. "Some of you are here to save lives but others are here for the thrill of the adrenaline pumping in your veins. It'll become clear who in your class will never step foot in a OR— make sure it isn't you."

He started to move again except this time he pushed open the door to one of the ORs. Jamie let a smile bloom on her face as the lights flicked on revealing the beauty of the operating room. The utility columns, surgical mattress, surgical tables, ect. She felt absolutely giddy at being inside the room.

The class started to spread out as they looked at various pieces that made the OR...the OR. Jamie found herself at the table, her hand came out to feel the table. She knew that she wouldn't even be able to touch this table again for a long time. Sure, she'd get the chance to watch surgeries but she surely wouldn't be here any time soon.

She spared her fellow interns a glance, there was a woman with curly black hair that seemed to stare at the OR with as much passion as Jamie felt (definitely talk to her), there was one man who approached the room with crossed arms and drawn down brows, one man was looking as though he was a lost puppy in the woods about to ask "are you my mother?" as if he was in a Dr. Seuss book, one blonde woman looked confident and happy to be there, and finally one woman that had arrived later than the others. She stood at the entrance of the OR, slowly walking in and twirling around cautiously to take in the scenery with raised eyebrows, she knew not to get her hopes up (bingo).

Jamie bit her lower lip, raising her eyebrows the slightest inch as she glanced up at the gallery where some attendings seemed to reside. She didn't recognize any of them but they looked oddly comforted by the fact that some of the interns were uncomfortable.

"Each of you comes here hopeful. Wanting in on the game. A month ago you were in med school being taught by doctors. Today, you are the doctors." Webber started up again, his eyes stopping on each of the interns again. "The seven years you spend here as a surgical resident will be the best and worst of your life. You will be pushed to the breaking point. Look around you."

Each of the interns spared the other a glance, distaste and caution filled their eyes. Jamie kept her gaze on Webber, squinting slightly to gauge his reaction but he remained impassive. This definitely wasn't his first rodeo.

"Say hello to your competition. Eight of you will switch to an easier specialty. Five of you will crack under pressure. Two of you will leave. This is your starting line. This is your arena. How well you play? _That's up to you_."

Jamie felt a shudder go down her spine, her hands clasped together again in a nervous rub. She glanced over again and finally met someone's eyes, the man who looked ready to punch someone. Jamie sent him a hesitant and small smile, her head twitched downward (she hoped this came off as friendly). He looked confused for a moment, never breaking eye contact as he finally nodded back but never returning her smile.

"Our next stop will be the locker room where you'll get your lockers and wait for your resident to come by." He started to leave and then paused, pointing at everyone. "I will say this once: _the locker room isn't to be used for mental breakdowns or hookups_."

He continued on, ignoring the looks shot his way.

Jamie fell back a little to stop beside the man she had interacted with. He spared her a glance, looking slightly peeved but said nothing.

"Hi, I'm Jamie. Jamie Shepherd." She held out her hand politely. She could remember the look Derek gave her as he patted her back before he left last night, the grin he gave as he said: " _Remember: smile, strong handshake, and none of that nickname crap._ " One of Jamie's great faults was her inability to properly make friends, she came off a little too... strong.

The man hesitated but clasped her hand with his own, giving a strong shake. "Alex Karev."

Jamie grinned, crossing her arms over her middle. "You've got quite the strong handshake, Alex—or Karev, whichever you prefer?"

"Alex is fine," he watched her oddly as if he wasn't used to people willingly talking to him either.

"You know, they say a firm handshake is a sign of mutual respect between both parties?" She inquired softly, placing her hands behind her back and turning her eyes to the backs of her fellow interns.

Alex hummed. "You're weird."

"You'll be surprised to hear, that's not the first time someone has told me that."

Jamie must've grown tiring because Alex moved forward, slipping between some others to gain to the front. She gave herself a strained smile, looking down at her feet. Jamie had never been the most sociable person, in high school she was terribly introverted— the people she talked to at school were reserved for at school, hardly anyone communicated with her outside of school. Which is why Jamie was always trailing after Derek or Amelia.

When she thought about her childhood, she could picture vividly running behind Derek while he joined kids on the street for some soccer. One of her greatest memories was Amelia teaching her how to ride a bike, every time she fell, the girl would grab her sister's elbow and say " _again_ ". Amy was the only sister that would actually encourage Jamie. Kathleen was more focused on how she could fix her sister's, Nancy was just overbearing, and Liz was...Liz just didn't like Jamie all too much.

(There was even a point where Liz would just make Jamie's life hell. It was probably due to the fact that Jamie was named after their father who died shortly after she was born. Their mother was like a shadow every time they were stuck together, one of Liz's dolls always lost a head and Jamie's favorite stuffed bear (Larry) seemed to always lack an arm.)

She felt a heavy weight on her shoulders as they finally entered the intern's locker room and Webber left them. There were sticky notes pinned around the room against lockers. She quickly found hers next to the man who looked like he was going to cry earlier.

She silently opened her locker and placed her things inside, she would decorate the inside later right now she was just more focused on what would transpire today.

The door opened and revealed a man, he glanced down at his paper. "Martin, Robinson, Bond, Parkins."

Four people left the room causing the dirty blonde that had arrived late to turn to the other. "Only seven women out of twenty."

"Yeah. I hear one of them's a model. Seriously, like that's going to attract respect."

"You're Cristina, right?"

_Cristina_. It was a fitting name for her, something about it just seemed to fit her face.

"Which resident are you assigned to? I got Bailey."

"The Nazi? Yeah, me too."

"Sorry?" Jamie spoke, her finger up. She winced slightly as the two women looked at her with flat expressions. "Did you say _Nazi_?"

Cristina blinked slowly at her like she was speaking another language. She glanced at her new companion and then crossed her arms. "Yes. He's supposedly a very... harsh person."

"Must be if he warrants the nickname 'Nazi'." Jamie smiled shakily, sticking her hand out. "Sorry, I shouldn't listen. I'm Jamie Shepherd, fellow intern."

Cristina gave a twitch of a smile, small handshake in return. "Cristina Yang."

The dirty blonde next to her closed her locker, watching Jamie closely as she returned her handshake. "Meredith Grey." Meredith looked almost suspicious as the woman let another smile blossom on her face, it was almost like she had seen it before. She held herself in a shy, small way that made Meredith feel as though she was introducing herself to a new student.

"Nice to meet you both,"

"Yeah," Cristina sighed.

"I-I also have the Nazi!" The man that reminded Jamie of a child spoke up, closing his locker a little too hard. He moved away from the section and towards the women. He gave his most awkward yet brilliant smile he could muster while holding out a shaking hand. Jamie let out a small noise when she noticed him almost fall over due to his awkward position.

"At least we'll be tortured together, right? I'm George O'Malley," The three respectfully shook George's hand. He cleared his throat and focused his gaze on Meredith. "Uh, we met at the mixer, you had a black dress with a slit up the side, strappy sandals—"

Cristina and Meredith exchange looks while Jamie let out a snort, pressing her hand against her mouth as she turned to her locker again. George looked horrified for a moment, face blooming red.

"Now you think I'm gay,"

"Uh-huh." Cristina turned on her heel and started towards the door.

"O'Malley, Yang, Grey, Stevens, and Shepherd." Called a male at the front.

Meredith and George followed behind her while Jamie hesitated and then trailed behind them, her hands fiddled with her scrub's drawstrings. She was so focused on her scrubs that she didn't notice the bouncy blonde that walked beside her; the woman stared at Jamie's profile— studying her. 

Jamie knew their were eyes on her and she was unnerved by someone studying her instead of the other way around.

Slowly, Jamie turned her eyes towards her.

"Hi?" She spoke slowly, eyebrows twitching upwards.

"Hello," she nodded back, she lent down slightly. "I'm Izzie Stevens."

"Jamie Shepherd."

Jamie felt like she had said her name so many times in the last hour she was beginning to hate it. Izzie squinted slightly but directed her attention forwards once more and walked past Jamie as the group came to a stop down the hall.

Jamie frowned slightly and let out a noise as she looked over everyone's shoulders and towards the short woman down the hall. She looked as though she was in the middle of assessing some charts, ticking some boxes and scribbling. In this moment, Dr. Bailey looked like a normal doctor doing her job. She definitely didn't look like the type that wouldn't be nicknamed "The Nazi".

"She doesn't look too scary," Her tone was hopeful as she shot her counterparts a cheerful look.

"I thought the Nazi would be a guy." George replied, his head tilted slightly, eyes squinted. Everyone seemed to be unable to move their eyes away from their superior, momentarily shocked.

"I thought the Nazi would be... a _Nazi_." Meredith pointed out.

There was a scoff as Izzie pushed herself past her fellow interns and towards Dr. Bailey. "Maybe it's professional jealousy. Maybe she's brilliant, and they call her Nazi because they're jealous. Maybe she's nice!" Her tone was also hopeful. Jamie's lips twitched upwards and she nudged her counterparts forward and they all slowly walked.

Cristina gave Izzie a look, her tone was monotone when she spoke. "Let me guess, you're the model?"

Jamie blinked and looked towards Izzie who clenched her jaw. She definitely looked pretty enough to be a model but she really didn't expect for her to be a doctor. They mostly used their looks to bring attention to world problems, some even went out and did something about it. It seems that Izzie joined the group that would rather do and sit around and wait for someone else to.

They all came to a stop beside Bailey who barely gave the group a glance. Izzie stopped and gave a dazzling grin, her hand out to shake. "Hi, I'm Isobel Stevens, but everyone calls me Izzie."

Bailey looked at Izzie's hand blankly, not taking her hands from the chart. Then she moved her gaze to her interns, taking in every face.

"I have five rules. Memorize them. Rule number one, don't bother sucking up. I already hate you, that's not going to change." Jamie blinked at her words, quickly reaching into her pocket and grabbing her notepad to write. George glanced down at her notes and almost laughed at the start ' _Suck up_ '. Bailey turned and waved a hand as if she was revealing a grand prize.

"Trauma protocol, phone lists, pagers." She started to list as she walked. Halfway down the hall she seemed to realize that she didn't hear the shuffling of feet. Bailey sighed and pointed at the desk with listed things neatly placed in five places. Each intern rushed to grab them and scrambled to follow after Bailey.

"Nurses will page you, you answer every page at a run. A _run_. That's rule number two. Your first shift starts now and lasts forty-eight hours. You're interns, grunts, nobodies. Bottom of the surgical food chain." As they walked over a walkway overlooking the area outside, Jamie stopped with wide eyes. Mt. Rainer loomed beautifully. Although it was foggy, it seemed to still be visible. Blinking, Jamie ran to join her group outside a room with beds. It was rather dull but it obviously wasn't meant for its looks.

"On call rooms. Attendings hog them, sleep when you can, where you can, which brings me to rule number three, if I'm sleeping, don't wake me, unless your patient is actually dying. Rule number four, the dying patient better not be dead when I get there, not only would you have killed someone, you would have also woke me for no reason, we clear?"

Jamie looked at her list and nodded. She frowned, though clearly confused by the absence of the fifth rule. Slowly, her hand raised and Bailey seemed content at the silence but her face fell once she spotted Jamie's hand. She crossed her arms and raised a brow.

"You...You said there were five rules?"

Bailey slowly blinked and quirked her head before she shook her head. "Rule number five," the pager trilled on her hip, she brought it up to her eye level and blinked. "When I move, you move." 

She pushed through her interns and started to run down the hall. The others followed quickly behind her, Jamie pocketed her book and her breath caught. This was one hell of a way to start the day.

******

Jamie nibbled on her lower lip as she approached room 215. Dr. Bailey had told her to trail about with Dr. Hiromi, an attending neuro that supposedly was in need of an intern for the day. The assignment stated that she needed to do sutures on a head trauma and nothing much more. 

She was staring down at her notes with a glare as she opened the door. "Hello, Mr. Kurtz, I am Dr. Shepherd and I—" When she looked up she stopped in her tracks, blinking rapidly. The man that laid on the bed was almost grey, probably due to the lack of oxygen and blood flowing through him, his eyes closed, and the ventilator in his mouth almost silent. Jamie slowly inched towards him and glanced at the silent monitor, letting a sigh leave her mouth at the sight of his heart rate.

She placed her notes inside her pocket and fiddled with her fingers, the suture supplies were put on the side. Jamie shuffled forward and took the supplies, squinting as she placed the thread through the needle and then looking at the laceration that went from his right temple to the middle of his chin. With a shaky breath, she pressed the needle through the skin and started to slowly stitch his face.

The silence was starting to become her friend as she hummed a small song. Her days of sitting on the living room floor with a banana in her lap, stitching the peel together. Jamie clenched her jaw as she remembered _his_ voice gently guiding her in the steps. He was a great surgeon, he knew how to stitch but emotions and keeping to people was his real problem. Jamie felt eternally grateful that he had taught her this but she'd rather punch him than ever thank him.

"You know," Jamie whispered to the man. "It's probably best you're not awake because I've seen some people cry during stitches. _Although_ they were drunk.."

"He can't hear you."

Jamie almost jumped ten feet in the air upon the voice. In the doorway was a woman in dark blue scrubs with an apple in her hand, taking a big bite out of it as she stepped further in.

"He got in a car accident, flew out of the window— bird style— and landed right on his head. During surgery, he experienced edema." She threw the apple into the small garbage near her. With a sigh she grabbed her penlight and lifted Mr. Kurtz's lids and looked for a reaction. She stepped back and crossed her arms. "He's brain dead just has to wait 6 hours until I can call it."

Jamie stared at her with wide eyes and then looked at Mr. Kurtz. "He's dead?"

"Very." The attending slipped the light back into her upper pocket and stared at the intern. "I'm Dr. Dara Hiromi, neuro attending."

"Um, I-I'm Jamie Sh—"

"Shepherd? I heard." She went to the foot of the bed and started to look over the chart. "You related to the other Shepherd or am I just breaking the news of a secret sibling? Some Luke and Leia mumbo jumbo?"

Jamie cleared her throat and awkwardly continued her stitches as she answered. "Um, y-yeah... he's my brother- older brother."

"Mm," Hiromi furrowed her brow and huffed. "Not to be bitter but he's a bit full of himself, isn't he?"

Jamie's lips twitched upwards uncomfortably. "Y-Yeah, sure."

Hiromi put the chart back down and walked over behind Jamie, watching her stitch over her shoulder. She let out a shocked noise, tilting her head. "Damn, girl, you know what you're doing." She shook her head. "I always get new interns to do stitches on the dead so I can yell at them, freak them out into thinking they just ruined someone's face. Yet here you are... are you secretly a plastic girl?"

Jamie let out a loud laugh that almost sounded maniacal. Hiromi stepped back with a blink and chuckled awkwardly.

"No, no. God, no. I am-I am not going anywhere near plastics." Jamie laughed as she finished the sutures, standing. She raised her eyebrows at how close she was to Hiromi.

"I like you." She stated, she tilted her head. "Are you single?"

"Um..."

Hiromi glanced down at her hip when she heard her pager go off. She raised a brow and then looked at Jamie. "Saved by the bell, Shepherd. Follow me."

Jamie blinked and looked down at Kurtz then back at the attending who looked like she was on a mission. "But-But what about—"

"Eli, take care of our favorite patient." Hiromi interrupted and then motioned for her to follow. "Hussle, Shepherd!"

Jamie stumbled forward and shook her head. She couldn't believe she was following around a clown, this woman was obviously too cocky herself. Something that Jamie had gotten enough of with four sisters and her brother. She wondered if Bailey had stuck her with Hiromi due to her cutting off her flow of rules.

The intern didn't mind the fact that Bailey was being harsh on her. Jamie's plan of action was to just play it all safe until Dr. Bailey truly wanted to get to know her interns. She wondered what everyone else was doing at this moment— Meredith was with Katie Bryce (some girl that was flown in after she collapsed during Spokane Teen Miss), Cristina was... running around, Izzie was stuck with central lines and rectal exams, and George was with the head of cardio, Dr. Burke.

She hoped that whatever approach of educating the interns Bailey had, she hoped that it would actually teach them.

Hiromi led her all the way through the hospital until they reached the ER. She burst through a trauma door and stared at the group gathered around a woman on the table. Jamie paused at the door and swallowed thickly upon spotting the bloody and battered woman, she didn't look too old but she sure has been through hell.

There were three large pieces of metal protruding out of her abdomen, blood painted her face, pale and riddled with sweat, her chest fell and lifted with large pants, and her fingers twitched. Jamie bit her lower lip and tried to keep herself from looking concerned. They always told her it was best to keep yourself from reacting, you were to keep yourself detached and hard from the patient and give them the best care.

James Shepherd was always terrible at not caring.

"What are we looking at, Dr. Jeremy?"

"Lucy Caswell, twenty-three-year-old, side swiped on her bike, came in with her friend who is stable, three shards of metal in the abdomen, flatlined three times en route."

Hiromi did what she did minutes ago with Mr. Kurtz and Jamie came close enough to see Lucy's right pupil stay fixed while her left reacted. The attending cursed under her breath and then looked at the resident across from her.

"What about her heart, internal bleeding?" She asked quickly as one doctor intubated Lucy. The room was buzzing with activity and it was very overwhelming for Jamie to try and keep track of. The nurses, residents, and Hiromi all work flawlessly together. It was as if thousands of Lucys had come through and they had performed it over and over again, they did it in their dreams almost subconsciously.

"BP dropping, heart sounds muffled, two metal pieces penetrating her kidney."

"Damn it, okay." She looked towards Jamie who had gilded closer. "I want you to page Webber and tell him to meet us in OR 3 for a nephrectomy and some burr holes. Then join scrub in."

"O-Of course, Dr. Hiromi." Jamie rushed out of the room and towards the nurse's station. One glanced at her. "U-Uh, page Dr. Webber tell him to meet Dr. Hiromi in OR 3 for a nephrectomy and to make some burr holes."

"Got it."

Jamie then turned on her heel to make her way over to the OR.

***********

Jamie placed her tray down and took a seat next to George who sent her a wide eyed look. She had just sat in the observation room and watched Hiromi make burr holes and Chief of Surgery perform a nephrectomy. She sat practically up against the window watching each move and each delicate placement. If she didn't want to continue her wishes to be a surgeon then she would definitely take the chance to be a reviewer. Something easier but something that would keep her in the OR.

"I just witnessed a nephrectomy!" She said happily, grinning from ear-to-ear. George almost spit his food out, blinking at his colleague.

"A-A nephrectomy? H-How?" He had wanted to scrub in something similar. Unfortunately, he was stuck on Burke's services and that was mainly focused on hearts. He leaned forward. "What-What was that like?"

"Amazing, beautiful, dazzling—" Jamie took a big bite from her sandwich, moaning. "Also burr holes. That was pretty cool too, I guess."

"You _guess_?" George's tone was incredulous as if he was offended by the idea Jamie was bored by burr holes.

Jamie looked at him with a frown, tilting her head. "I-I'm sorry," she placed down her sandwich and cleared her throat. "I, uh, I have two siblings that are neurosurgeons so I've seen and heard a lot..."

George fiddled with his fingers, swallowing. "You have siblings?"

Jamie smiled. "Five. A busy household." She turned back to her sandwich and started to eat it as if it were her last meal.

George nodded and turned his attention to the other interns that joined him. Izzie and Cristina both looked worn out but seemed rather sick, staring at her food with wide eyes. Cristina just snapped open her book and idly played with her upper lip.

"You should eat something." George tried softly, eyeing his newest friend.

Izzie shook her head, pressing her fingers against her lips. "You try eating after performing seventeen rectal exams." George gagged while Jamie shrugged and continued her eating, grinning. "The Nazi hates me."

"The Nazi's a resident. I have _attendings_ hating me."

"No one hates you and Bailey hates us all," Jamie started, gaining their attention. "The attendings intend on making our lives hell— we're interns. The only person who is hating is me, Dr. Hiromi is so... annoying. She-She is very flirty."

George frowned, his mouth opened when Cristina's head shot up, her eyebrows peeked upwards. "Hiromi? As in Dara Hiromi?"

Jamie nodded. "Yes."

"I wish Dara Hiromi would hit on me. Those slim, neuro hands teaching me. Godly." Cristina shrugged and then closed her book rather loudly. "Did you know Meredith is inbred?"

"Uh.." Jamie whispered before she shrugged and returned to eating once again. She glanced at Izzie and snatched one of her french fries, popping it into her mouth. The blonde smacked her arm and shot her a look while slowly eating her food.

"Like it's uncommon around here to be a doctor's—" George started, eyeing Cristina oddly.

Cristina waved a finger and shook her head, leaning forward as if sharing a secret. "No, I mean totally inbred. Her mother? _Ellis Grey_."

Jamie let out a choke and sat forward, giving Cristina her best shocked expression. Cristina sent a kick under the table, shaking her head. "Ellis Grey? Like, _Grey Method_ Ellis Grey? The Ellis Grey?"

Izzie's jaw was dropped. "Shut up! Ellis Grey?"

Cristina gave them nods and sat back smugly, smiling to herself.

"Who... is Ellis Grey?" George finally spoke up, voice slow and confused. Izzie and Cristina gave him mocking laughs while Jamie looked at him sympathetically.

"Oh, George..."

George frowned at her and then turned his attention to his food while Cristina and Izzie teased him. Jamie twirled her fry as she pondered over Meredith Grey. She was standoffish and liked to keep to herself, she also seemed to like squinting at Jamie in her free time. She leaned back in her seat and chewed on her fry while Meredith took a seat at the other head of the table.

"Katie Bryce is a pain in the ass. If I hadn't taken the Hippocratic oath, I'd Kevorkian her with my bare hands." Meredith took a huge bite and then noticed everyone's eyes were resting on her. "What?"

"Meredith—" Jamie tried starting but was quickly cut off by Burke stopping between her and George.

"Good afternoon, interns. It's posted, but I thought I'd share the good news personally. As you know, the honor of running the first surgery is reserved for the intern that shows the most promise. As I am running the OR I get to make that choice." He let his hand slap George's back, the smaller man coughed and widened his eyes. "George O'Malley. You'll scrub in for an appendectomy this afternoon. Congratulations."

George blinked wildly as the doctor walked away. Jamie leaned forward, grabbing George's hand and gave him a small smile.

"Me?"

*****

Jamie peeked into Lucy's room later. George's surgery was in a good hour and she was in charge of Hiromi's post-ops. To her surprise, Hiromi was already sitting in Lucy's room. She had her chin in her palm and her eyes stuck on some charts, she seemed stuck in her own world.

Jamie bit on her lip and looked over her shoulder at the near empty hallway.

"In or out, Shepherd?" Hiromi asked, looking up from her charts and at the intern.

Jamie blinked and gave her a nervous smile. She stepped inside the room and closed the door gently behind her. Lucy looked better than she had in the OR hours ago, still bruised but she didn't look on the verge of death.

"You're probably wondering why I'm here. The ones that get big surgeries sleep forever, silence, and I like to always be here." She gazed at Lucy, tilting her head. Her foot bounced where it leaned against her knee. "Do you know the kid that's doing the appendectomy?"

"George? Yeah, he's the best."

"Mhm."

Jamie bounced on her heels and rubbed her hands together. She wasn't exactly sure what to say to Hiromi because she hadn't planned to run into her for the rest of her shift. She walked forward awkwardly and started to look over Lucy's stats.

"I already looked over her." Hiromi snapped her chart closed and watched Jamie as she continued on anyway. "I met you once, you obviously don't remember. Some mixer in New York for Columbia University, I met Derek and I met you, your plus one too. Great Plastic surgeon."

Jamie stiffened and she cleared her throat, squeezing the IV bag. "We might want to get her another bag."

"I've known Mark Sloan for fifteen years, we were interns and residents at the same hospital. He was always good with a needle and a thread. Do you know how many times I asked him to teach me to do sutures like his? Too many to count. He likes to hold it over my head. Yet... he taught _you_." Hiromi clicked her pen rhythmically. "I know a Sloan suture when I see it. You must be his Jay. He speaks— well, _spoke_ highly of you. We haven't spoken in two years."

"Her BP's slightly elevated." Jamie wanted to shut her out, she'd rather not think about Mark. He was a thing of the past now, somewhere she'd like to keep him.

Hiromi let out a hiss. "Breakup, ouch." She rubbed her chin and sighed. "I'm overstepping, aren't I?"

"A bit,"

"I apologize." She cleared her throat. "I just—I never get to meet people from my past much and if I do, I'm sticking my fingers in their brains."

"Let me guess, you had sex with him?" Jamie asked sharply.

Hiromi stared at her before laughing. She threw her head back and clutched her chest, waving a hand. "I'm-I'm-I'm sorry! I'm sorry— oh, you are a good one." She stood, her charts under her arms. She walked and leaned close to Jamie. "I don't know if you've noticed, James, but I'm interested in bigger and better things."

Jamie widened her eyes and shot her head to look at her. Hiromi patted her shoulder and made her way out.

"Oh, and please stay with Lucy until she wakes up."

"What? But George's surgery—"

"Will have to be missed." She looked down. "You'll thank me later."

The door closed behind her and Jamie glared after her.

"Ass."

*******

Jamie was walking from Lucy's room for her break and rubbed her temple as she called for the elevator, leaning against the wall next to it. This 48 hour thing was slowly ticking by and she was growing more tired, she was sure there were bags under her eyes too. She looked at her watch and sighed: _hour 19_.

"Hey,"

Jamie's eyes brightened and she turned around, her lips splitting into a smile.

"Derek!" She moved over a few steps and engulfed him in a hug. She rested her chin on his shoulder, closing her eyes.

Derek smiled, wrapping an arm around her. "How's it been going?"

Jamie pulled away and placed her hands on his shoulders, staring up at him. "It's been dragging on and on." She sighed and then smacked his arm. "Dr. Dara Hiromi is torturing me!"

"That's our job!" Derek exclaimed, smiling a little bit. The elevator opened and a few people filed out and the siblings walked inside. "She's an old friend, she means no harm."

"She's like a weird girlfriend." Jamie said flatly, pressing the button for the ground floor. "She-She talks. _A lot_. To me."

"This job does require talking with people sometimes, Lynn." Derek raised his eyebrows. He turned his eyes down to the chart in his hands, flipping through it. "She's punctual and likes to reminisce. People from Spokane do that a lot."

"Spokane? Makes sense." Jamie glanced around and finally noticed George in the corner looking rather confused and a little dazed. Jamie turned around with a smile. "George O'Malley, my man, my guy! How was that big surgery?"

George suddenly made a loud groan and pressed the butt of his palms against his eyes. He shook his head and sounded like he was on the verge of sobs. Jamie's face dropped and Derek slowly turned his body to glance between the two.

"George?"

"007!" He grumbled, his hands smacked against his thighs. "They won't stop calling me 007!"

"007? What are you, James Bond?" Jamie let out a laugh but quickly straightened when George glared at her. "Whoa, okay. What happened?"

"My surgery. My surgery turned into some botched back alley organ transplant!" He ran a hand through his hair.

"Wasn't it... wasn't it an appendectomy?" Derek asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes!" George snapped at him and then flushed. "Oh-Oh, I'm so sorry—you're an attending and I-I snapped at you."

"It's okay, O'Malley." Derek waved a hand. The doors opened and he walked out, pointing at Jamie. "I'll see you after work."

"Mhm." She saluted him and waited until the doors closed to lean against the wall next to George. "Tell me what happened, hotshot."

George looked away from where Derek was with a frown. He met Jamie's eyes and swallowed thickly, looking down as she placed her head on his shoulder. He cupped his hands in front of him and cleared his head.

"Well, I, uh, opened them and I took out the appendix. You should've seen this thing, Jamie, it was huge. And everyone in the gallery was cheering, they looked so proud of me. Then Burke told me to invert the stump into the cecum." George looked up and saw her miming movements, he shifted from foot-to-foot and gave a nervous smile. It wasn't very often that the man was alone and just talking with women. "But I pulled too hard on the purse-strings and—"

"Broke them, the patient started to fill with poo." Jamie closed her eyes and huffed. "Burke was making you an example, George. To say ' _you all are interns, not surgeons. I know what I'm doing, you do not. Don't question me._ '"

George glanced upwards and clenched his jaw. "Uh, you-you seem to know a lot about it."

"My sister, Amelia, she used to have me read about it." She smiled, sighing softly. "We'd make little playdough people and then operate on them. We'd give them names and stories— Mr. Feedlestomp, seven children, two wives and a dog tail growing out of his rear."

George laughed softly, tilting his head. Her tone was different from the times before, it was almost content and relaxed. "Where is your sister now?"

Jamie's face fell, shaking her head. "Rehab or couch hopping."

Amelia Shepherd wasn't one to keep in contact. In fact, it had been a better part of a year since Jamie had heard her sister's voice and heard her make some obscure joke then laugh loudly. Even when they fought, Jamie was fond of it. It meant they still cared. The silence from her phone and in her life was beginning to feel lonely, the lack of Amelia saying something rather backhanded that made Jamie irritated made the youngest Shepherd feel lonely. It was almost laughable at how pathetic she was being. 

"Ah." George's voice fit the mood, somber and distant.

The doors opened and the two stared for a moment before they moved forward. Jamie stuffed her hands in her pockets and glanced at George.

"Meeting the group downstairs?"

"Yep."

Jamie held out her arm and George blinked before slowly linking them. They hardly knew each other but it was quickly feeling as though she had spent years knowing O'Malley. He had this comforting energy around him that just made the woman feel as though she could have any quirk and he'd accept it without question. 

They walked together and quickly joined their friends who were either relaxing, eating, studying, or all of the above. Jamie unlinked herself from George and flopped down on one of the beds, facing the wall and finally closing her eyes.

"Tired?" Izzie asked teasingly, the chip she popped in her mouth crunching. 

Jamie rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. "Tired is an understatement," she shook her head with furrowed brows. "You know, Chief Webber said that it'd be like Med school but at least I could sleep in a comfortable bed." 

Meredith let out a scoff, leaning her head back against the cool seal. "I tried getting a nap in but there was one attending in the On-Call room who told me to, and I quote, ' _Skaddadle before he gets the paddle_ '."

Jamie let out a laugh, covering her face with her hands as Cristina hopped off the bed and towards the vending machines. "All the men here are perverts—"

George looked up from his lap and towards Cristina, offended. "Hey!"

"—you can tell most of them get a lay with the new inters." She finished, not sparing the man in the wheelchair a glance.

Izzie sighed heavily, her shoulders raising and falling dramatically. "I think Bailey hates me,"

"Here we go." Meredith muttered. 

It wasn't unprecedented seeing as Izzie had brought up Bailey's hate for her every time they ran into each other in the past 19 hours. Jamie really didn't know anything personal about Izzie except that she was really— and she meant _really_ worried that Dr. Bailey disliked her. 

"She had me do rectal exams for the better part of 10 hours, she has me do central lines when— guess what? I don't know how to!" Izzie bit her lower lip, crossing her arms and legs. "I have every right to be worried."

"You tried sucking up," Cristina said, shrugging as if it was easy to figure out. "No one likes a kiss ass."

Izzie rolled her eyes. "I didn't suck up! I was being friendly."

"Mhm."

Jamie groaned softly and turned back on her side, bringing her lab coat to cover her head. Maybe coming down here wasn't the best idea. It was obvious that she wasn't going to rest any time soon with everyone going through everything that had happened in the last 12 hours since they saw each other. Or well, since she saw them. As everyone else got to witness the failure of George's appendectomy. 

Speaking of the appendectomy—

"007. They're calling me 007, aren't they?"

"No one's calling you 007." Meredith and Izzie said together, sounding on the verge of a groan.

"I was on the elevator and Murphy whispered 007."

"Oh, how many times do we have to go through this, George, five, ten?" Cristina bit out as she walked to the vending machine.

"Can you all shhh?" Jamie waved a hand back at them and then covered her ears.

George glanced at her and then leaned towards Cristina to whisper. "Murphy whispered 007 and everyone laughed."

"He wasn't talking about you." Izzie pointed out.

"You sure?"

"There is a whole fictional character who is coined as 007." Jamie said over her shoulder, her voice sounded slow and drowsy.

"Yes, but—"

"George just-just try to move past this."

Cristina leaned against the vending machine. "007 is a state of mind."

"So says the girl who finished top of her class at Stanford!"

Jamie sighed and sat up, shaking her head. "I can't sleep."

Cristina looked towards her and walked over to lean against the wall. "How is working with Hiromi?"

Jamie groaned and fell back. She threw her arm over her eyes and let her chest fall. "She's not terrible but I just— she awakens something within me."

"The drive to do better?"

"You know, Cristina, you sound like _you've_ got a crush on Hiromi." Meredith pointed out with a smirk, raising her eyebrows.

Cristina glanced at her flatly. "She's hot, crazy hot when she lays down the sutures."

"Please stop." Jamie cried softly.

A pager went off, Jamie looked down at hers and sighed in relief when she saw it silent. Meredith hopped up and rushed out of the room like she was a wild animal being released after being rescued. She laid back again and closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath. Everyone seemed to keep quiet. She could peacefully take a nap.

That was until, there was a slam and stomping of feet.

Cristina sat down on the bed aside her and popped a chip into her mouth. "Is it professional jealousy?" She asked, sounding scandalized. 

Jamie gave the woman a flat look in return before turning her attention to George who was worryingly nibbling on his lower lip. She sighed softly and gave him a strained smile. 

"George, by this time next week everyone will have forgotten about it, okay? Burke wanted to send a twisted message to the rest of us so he used you." She shrugged, taking a chip from Cristina who glared at her in return. 

Izzie nodded, gesturing to Jamie. "Listen to her, she knows what she's talking about."

George huffed. "Maybe I should just get into geriatrics." Jamie and Izzie gave him a disgusted look while Cristina let out a indignant noise. "What? No one cares if you kill an old person."

"Surgery is hot, it's the Marines." Cristina started, staring at the bag in her hands. "It's macho, it's hostile, it's hardcore. Geriatrics is for freaks who live with their mothers."

George tensed up and looked towards the ground, starting to move the wheelchair away from the women. "I need to get my own place." He muttered under his breath. 

Jamie let out a laugh that was broken all too soon by the snapping and slam of the door that Meredith had disappeared behind revealed a very peeved off Hiromi. Cristina, George, and Izzie all directed their attention to Jamie who looked caught off guard as the woman stood before her.

"Get up."

Jamie very slowly hopped the bed, letting out a yelp as Hiromi started to drag her down the hallway.

"What part of 'stay with Lucy until she wakes up' was so hard to understand?"

"I-I am so sorry, I thought I could take a break—"

Hiromi clenched her jaw. "Dr. Shepherd, are you aware that patients don't usually accommodate your schedule to your medical emergencies?" Jamie had no opportunity to speak as Hiromi stopped once they were well away from the other interns. She clenched her jaw and finally raised her voice. "Lucy Caswell had a hemorrhage while you were down here having a sleep over."

Jamie's eyes widened and she suddenly felt as though she was going to pass out. Hiromi's words ringing in her eyes and she shook her head. "N-No, I—"

Hiromi threw up a hand, stopping her from talking. "I don't want you speaking unless it's an emergency. You do as you're told, Shepherd." She stared at the intern, shaking her head and letting out a soft scoff. "For God's sakes."

"Is she... Is she o—"

"I swear, kid, if you ask if Lucy is okay I'm going to take off my shoe and beat you with it." She rubbed her forehead and clenched her hands. "You're sitting in her room until she gets back from surgery, end of discussion."

With that, Hiromi left Jamie in the dust. 

******

Her shift had ended an hour ago but Lucy had yet to wake up. Jamie couldn't help but feel guilty for leaving her unaccompanied for so long. Maybe if the intern had been here, Lucy wouldn't have a chance to be paralyzed or any possibility for mental deficits.

She was starting to wonder if she really did fit in here, if she could last the long hours to do things like this. The way Hiromi had looked at her made her nervous. Jamie's first two days and she was already contemplating life. She looked over Lucy's stats and wrote them on the chart, she was doing checks every thirty minutes; they remained in the good ever since she had come out of surgery.

Jamie sat back in the chair and let out a shaky sigh. It was safe to say that she wanted Lucy to wake up and then for her to go home (or more specifically the stupid hotel she had been renting for the better part of two months). She missed her apartment in New York dearly. It was still there and being paid for but she just wasn't there anymore. She was sure he was using his fancy key to sleep and eat her things. The thought made her shutter.

Their friendship had been amazing, even with his stupid need to pick up every woman everywhere they went. Their friendship had blossomed privately and it had been nice, just the two of them. In private they were there for each other but in public they were somewhat distant.

Now, they weren't anything.

She rubbed her forehead in irritation and huffed.

"Hello?"

Jamie snapped her eyes open and let out a loud laugh when she saw Lucy's brown eyes. She jumped up and clapped her hands, laughing. Lucy winced and stared at Jamie oddly.

"You're alive!"

"I-I am?" Lucy squinted at her.

"Yes, you are." Jamie smiled at her and moved to check her vitals again. "You're a Seattle Grace Hospital, you were involved in an accident. You're okay now though, don't worry."

Lucy smiled shakily. "I thought I was going to die."

Jamie raised her eyebrows. "Well, luckily you had Dr. Webber and Dr. Hiromi looking out for you."

"Luckily." Lucy nodded.

"Can you tell me your name, age, the date?"

"Lucy Caswell, twenty-three, and the date is... March 5th 2005?"

"Very good." Jamie took a few steps back and pointed towards the door. "I'll page Dr. Hiromi and then we'll get you some food."

Jamie backed out of the room and rushed towards the nurse's station, tapping it anxiously. The nurse looked up from his computer with a blank expression, his eyes looking vaguely annoyed by her interruption. 

"Page Dr. Hiromi, please? Tell her Lucy Caswell is awake."

It wasn't long before Hiromi made it down there, she had practically burst through the door and looked elated to see Lucy awake. They spoke at length about how she ended up in the hospital in the first place, what the next months would look like, and what they were watching for the next two days. Jamie had stood behind Hiromi with a grin, hopping on her heels a bit— her excitement was almost contagious seeing as Lucy would glance back at her every now and again to send her a small smile in return. 

Hiromi turned and left the room with Jamie close behind her. Without looking up from her chart, she talked to the intern. "What are you still doing here, Shepherd?"

Jamie's lips pulled down into a small frown but shrugged. "You said to stay with Lucy until she woke up."

Hiromi stopped and looked towards her with some amusement in her eyes. She clicked her pen and tucked it inside her pocket. "Go home and get some rest, Shepherd. You have a lot to work on." With that, she left.

Jamie nodded and grabbed the purse that she had left at the station and left herself. She bit her lower lip and made her way outside where she paused. Cristina, Meredith, George, and Izzie were all laughing together and bumping into each other with hidden jokes under their breaths. She sighed heavily and shook her head, they definitely didn't need her to join them. 

_Time to go home_. 


	3. chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1x02

**_NEW YORK_ **

"I really don't want to be an intern here." Jamie spoke up as she trailed behind Addison and Derek. 

She twisted a curl of her hair around her finger as they approached the well kept building. Jamie didn't really enjoy the idea of working under her family. Although Addison seemed elated, already planning for her to sit in while she checked up on her patients, and Derek was fully prepared to teach her a thing or two. Jamie, although, was fully prepared to get her matching in the mail soon. 

Derek waved a hand over his shoulder, in that way that clearly indicated he thought she was lying. "Don't be pessimistic, Jamie." He held the door open for his wife and sister. 

Jamie just shook her head in response. She knew that arguing with Derek would be useless, he was overly optimistic and had clearly planned Jamie's internship more than she had. He had dropped the idea during dinner one night. As she was sharing secret glances towards the man across from her, his smirk illuminating and eyes bright with mischief. She had been so caught up in their silent communication that when Derek smoothly invited her to spend her internship at his private practice, she was reeling. 

Addison had clapped her hands together happily, her smile wide. Jamie wondered if she was happy for the sake of Derek and hoping that it would make up for the fight they had participated in before dinner. The happiness from the three around her had been so blinding (it also felt a bit like peer pressure) that she couldn't just say no. She had muttered an agreement which sent the table into an excited conversation about who could teach her. 

She had caught his eyes, he sent her a wink and a reassuring smile. For a single moment, Jamie thought it might not be too bad.

Then Derek had raved about how great she would be in neuro. 

Jamie stared at the ceiling of the elevator while the couple in front of her quietly argued. They did that so much anymore that she could just tell when they were. Derek would get this dent between his brows and avoid looking at her face while Addison would blink longer and harder, her lips forming a thin line. She was the Addison and Derek whisperer. 

The doors opened to reveal the familiar area. The receptionist sent them a sweet smile, Jamie recalled his name being Zach. He looked pretty laid back as he returned back to the computer sitting in front of him, Jamie was half hoping he was playing solitaire-- it'd make for some very interesting drama. 

He complimented the rather dull sitting room. The pillars were a soft brown while the walls were a mint colors, the chairs looked brand new and comfortable, and there was soft chatter from the patients that had come in already. Jamie understood why Addison had begged Derek for some type of redecoration, the place felt like a psych ward. 

"Is that James Shepherd I see?" 

Jamie smiled brightly as Sam took her into his arms and then ruffled her hair. Jamie had always gotten along with Sam. Although he was older, he sometimes acted like a kid himself with his little jokes and the way he would always have a comeback. She gazed up at the man, softly punching him in the arm. "It is indeed." 

Sam looked up at Derek who was now smiling softly (Jamie made note of how it missed the usual glimmer in his eyes). "When you said she wanted to try out the practice, I was thinking you went mad."

"So did I." Addison said teasingly, sending a longing look towards her husband. 

Derek stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I'm glad to have her here." 

Sam chuckled, nodding. "I would think so." His face grew a little worried as his tone grew softer. "Uh, Archer is here too--"

"Archer?" Addison perked at the mention of her brother. 

Jamie's grin grew into a full blown smile. Archer Montgomery was probably one of Jamie's favorite people. He was incredibly talented, he took his work seriously, every time a doctor discussion sparked up he would turn his attention to Jamie and they'd speak about other things. Archer was a great guy once you got to know him, handsome too, but that was beside the point. Another thing he took seriously was his role as Addison's older brother -- a part of Jamie wondered if, after six years of marriage, Archer still had hate directed in Derek's direction. She wouldn't exactly be surpassed. 

Jamie knew that if she had to clean up after her brother-in-law's surgeries, she wouldn't be too happy either.

"Came in early this morning, scared the hell out of Zach who was still opening up." Sam shot a look in the red head's direction. The receptionist must've heard his name because his head shot up but he quickly withered under the gazes. The shorter man raised his eyebrows. "Said Derek called him in?"

All eyes shot to Derek who shifted. Jamie knew by Addison's gaze that she wasn't aware of this suddenly call to arms. It was unlike her brother to not ramble about his days, especially to Addison who seemed to hang onto his every word with big eyes and a wine in hand. 

"You called Archie?" 

Derek cleared his throat. "I needed his...help." 

That made Jamie blink. Derek was never one to ask for help-- especially from Archer Montgomery. Every time she had been in the room with both of them, they would go into a match of who was better than the other. Something more was going on.

"Yeah, well, it's sent our favorite plastic Ken doll into a panic." Jamie raised her eyebrows while Sam moved from them and crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the desk. Jamie followed his movements with amusement. His eyes moved to behind Jamie and he shook his head, snorting. "Speak of the devil."

" _There she is!_ " 

* * *

**_SEATTLE_ **

In ways, Seattle Grace reminded Jamie of New York. 

The cliques and the gossip that flowed through the hospital like its very own virus. Seeing as Jamie usually finished school before anyone was home, Derek allowed her to wait at the nurses station. The nurses always whispered rumors and various things they heard in the OR. One of the nurses, Kelly, would sit with Jamie and talk to her about some of the more ridiculous rumors.

Kelly was even the one to tell her to follow through with a medical career, whether it be some hot shot surgeon or a scrub nurse. She was an amazing nurse and Jamie was rather heartbroken when she learned that the nurse moved to Germany to live with her girlfriend. All the older nurses didn't really entertain Jamie like Kelly had.

Kelly's replacement had been some vile woman that snapped at Jamie if she so much as breathed outside of the little office Derek tucked her away in. Every day would be the same, she would follow Derek from the lobby, telling him about her day until they reached the surgical floor; she would give small greetings to anyone she recognized (Sam was usually the one she had to look out for as he loved to use the excuse of talking with her to avoid some surgery or conversation with Naomi.) Then Derek would pat her back, put her in the office, and have Nurse Gretchen watch after as if she was Patient Zero.

(She would be forever grateful Derek started his own practice.)

Jamie reminisced on that piece of her life as she stared up at her ceiling. She wondered at which point she had scrambled to press autopilot and stay there. Where she made snap decisions based on what everyone around her wanted. The last conscious decision she could remember making without thinking of how it would affect anyone was when she called Seattle Grace and informed them of her acceptance. It was a last minute thing, she gave a quick heads up to any of her friends and then packed the essentials and ran out of there with Derek by her side.

She was incredibly angry and (three months later) she still was. Jamie wasn't one to easily forget and forgive. In fact, she was known for her anger. The scrunch of her face and the bite in her voice every time someone stepped over the invisible line that was almost too easy to cross. 

Jamie had remembered being sat in the principal's office due to her urge to punch others when things didn't go her way (if Amy wasn't around she was sure her siblings would deem her as the problematic child). Her mother had been livid with her asking her if she would do that to her. Jamie remembered sobbing that she couldn't ever possibly hurt her mother. ( _"Well, every time you hurt another kid then you hurt me in my heart." "No, no! Mommy, I didn't mean to hurt you!"_ ) Her childhood was filled with various evenings making sure she didn't hurt her mother's heart.

The alarm on the nightstand let out a blare and Jamie numbly reached over, slapping it off.

The room seemed to ring with silence, pressing against her ear and almost feeling like a pressure. She pressed her hands against her eyes and took a deep breath in— then out. The intern wasn't one to handle silences; they left room for thinking and that usually left her in distress, worrying endlessly about the world around her.

As Jamie sat up, she clicked on the TV and allowed the noise to drown out the empty spaces around her. She rolled out of bed, yawning as she opened her suitcase and picked out a lazy outfit. It wasn't exactly like she would end up doing anything outside of her scrubs until about 4 am and even then, she would sit at the bar across the street and drink alone. A glass of scotch in her hand as she stared longingly at the bar top in front of her.

She swore the bar owner (Joe as she came to learn. He was really sweet and ever so often, when the bar was quiet, he would discuss mundane things) probably thought her insane because every day off was spent sitting in his bar. She didn't drink every time, sometimes she would bring a book and just drone everything out. Jamie was really floating alone with the days, waiting for something to happen.

Due to her inability to really make friends, Jamie had been too scared to really ask her fellow interns for a drink. She was starting to become close with Meredith and George, sometimes she would run into Alex who would acknowledge her with a simple nod and then move on. She'd always been very hesitant to call people her friends, she worried that she was overstepping and labeling things as they were not. Hence why it was taking so long to finally ask the interns if they wanted to join her at Joe's.

Jamie Shepherd was wondering if Seattle was her place. If she truly belonged here.

(She probably didn't but Seattle was better than returning to New York.)

Once her scarf was secured around her neck, she switched her TV off and slipped her sunglasses on. The fabric was soft and she wanted to feel it against her skin forever. She silently thanked her mother for teaching her how to crochet when she was a teen.

Jamie gave a hesitant smile to the receptionist and continued her way out of the hotel. She was met with the cold Seattle air slapping against her cheek like an open palmed slap. The people walked past and lived their lives in peace, oblivious to the pain out there; the pain that she would witness on her shift today.

(That was probably a plus of not being a surgeon, you didn't have to see people dying all the time. Even at Derek's private practice, they had hopeful cases. Seattle Grace seemed to pool with unlikely odds.)

She heaved a tired sigh and started in the direction of the hospital. It wouldn't take long for her to walk and she'd rather take everything slow. It wasn't like there was exactly much to see on her walk. Sure, a dog here and there that would have her smile and maybe some children playing at the park while their parents take the time to rest.

She barely noticed a car pull up to the curb and start to trail after her, too busy having her eyes on the park. Jamie almost jumped ten feet in the air when the horn blared, whipping around (along with some pedestrians) to look at the driver. She glared at her brother who wore a triumphant grin, leaning forward to get a good look at her out the passenger window. The last time he had done something like this was her senior year of high school, they had argued and it had resulted in him honking long and hard until she got in the car. She was humiliated to say the least.

"What the hell are you doing?" She bit out, leaning down to talk to him.

Derek shrugged nonchalantly, tilting his chin upwards. "You looked lonely," he mused.

Jamie huffed, gripping her bag with a vice grip. "I was having a peaceful moment before you rolled up like an idiot."

He blinked at her tone and raised an eyebrow. He took note of her attitude and watched her closely. "What's got you all sour?"

Jamie sighed, deflating. She hesitantly reached out and opened the door, slipping into the new car. The smell filled her senses and she let it wrap around her like a blanket of comfort. New cars always seemed to have this vibe around them that would make anyone inside of them relax and appreciate the art inside of it.

She shook her head and waved a dismissive hand. "Nothing, just..." she wasn't exactly sure which words she wanted to come out. Jamie really didn't want to explain how she didn't know how to talk to her fellow interns to Derek. She knew that he would give her some crappy nonchalant advice and expect her to grow a pair. ( _"If you just start with 'hi', it'll definitely catch their attention."_ ) "...room service woke me up early."

Derek huffed, not looking entirely convinced but accepted the white lie. He started the car and started in the direction of the hospital again.

Jamie looked out the window and watched the trees and the small businesses that passed by, her mind barely acknowledged what she truly saw. She started to play with the window, quickly switching it from up to down; something to keep her fingers at bay while her mind pranced from one thought to the next. She wanted to duck away from the light and let the darkness of the car consume her. It was much better than facing reality.

 _It was so much better_.

Jamie's lips tugged down into a frown when she heard the lock of the windows, glancing over at Derek who wore his own tired expression. She still listened to the click, her knee bouncing as the hospital came into view. She needed that one constant sound as if it kept her grounded to the present, the images splayed out in front of her. She was interested to hear what gossip would be infecting Seattle Grace today.

She had it all planned out: she would walk in, split from Derek, find Bailey and the others, and then she would get the nerve to finally say something to them. She could imagine their reactions now. Cristina's left eyebrow would jump upwards, then she would give a backhanded comment ( _"I'd rather study than hang out with you, Shep."_ ), Meredith would probably be so consumed by her own thoughts she wouldn't hear Jamie, Izzie would be so ecstatic it would be overwhelming, and George would probably stutter a rejection. Planning for a let down seemed to secure Jamie that there were some things to expect in life.

That was just the way things were.

The only one she couldn't predict was Meredith who seemed very hesitant and awkward around Jamie (which was odd for the young woman seeing as she was usually the one that was awkward and hesitant). The blonde would give her simple questions that had no harm but seemed to have a deeper meaning because every time she answered, Meredith's eyes would shoot to another direction. She'd give a small smile and then sigh softly as if she'd heard it all before.

( _"When did you move out here?" Meredith had asked last week after Jamie entered the elevator. Her head was tilted to the side innocently. Jamie had given a small shrug, tucking some her hair behind her hair and admitting that it had been about three months. Meredith hummed and then nodded. "That's sweet."_ )

Jamie was starting to think that something was going on between Meredith and Derek. Not that she thought that they were just friends judging by how Meredith reacted to her being Derek's sister. She wanted to say something to Derek but there really was no way to bring up the subject, she couldn't imagine herself turning to him and saying: " _Oh, hey, Derek! You know the interns? Well, I'm pretty sure one of them— Meredith Grey? Yeah, she totally has a thing for you. Do you know her?_ "

She grimaced at that, stifling a scoff as Derek glanced at her once again. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel and turned his attention back to the road in front of him. Derek didn't like the way her eyelids fluttered close and her chest raised and fell quickly, she was panicked. He bit his lower lip and sighed.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm sure," she affirmed. She even gave him a strained smile.

Derek hummed and they came to park. He took a moment to grab his things in the back and then exited the car, Jamie hesitating with a deep breath. As she got out, she stumbled into someone.

She met George O'Malley's wide eyes, his mouth opening and closing. He seemed flustered, tugging on the front of his jacket and the tips of his ears turning red while he let out a laugh that had Jamie reeling back to avoid the volume.

"Jamie, oh... it's _Jamie_!" George muttered to himself, nodding mechanically. He turned and slammed his car door rather loudly.

"And it's George?" Jamie gestured to him awkwardly. She wasn't exactly sure what was causing the man to act so oddly but it was almost comforting to her to not be the one flustered for once.

The man twitched and whirled back to her, giving her a fictitious grin that almost had her cringing. He ran an unsteady hand through his hair and sighed heavily as if the situation in front of him was exhausting. George cleared his throat and threw a hand out as if he was presenting a grand prize.

"Walk in together?" His question was innocent and he seemed to hesitate when Jamie blinked at him.

She nodded and clutched her bag. She and George never really get the chance to talk alone, every time she had run into him it had been in a group setting. He seemed sweet enough, always chipping in with kind words or a little tease. If he was a color, George O'Malley would be a pastel pink. It was a cute color that could represent approachability and love for others. Yeah, George fit there nicely.

Jamie crossed her arms over her chest as they crossed the threshold of the hospital. It seemed to work the same as any other day as if it was on a constant repeat, a paradox in time. The building would forever be young while the people who entered aged considerably, quicker than a bat of an eye.

George gave a little sigh, his hands pushing into his pockets.

Jamie looked at him, watching the way his face contorted uncomfortably. "Are you okay, George?"

He seemed to jump at the question, his head snapping to her. "Huh?"

"You seem a little on edge?" Jamie raised an eyebrow, the tic obviously trying to hint that he was acting a little off. George just blinked at her and Jamie gave a shrug as if to emphasize that she was only asking and he had no obligation to tell her if anything was wrong.

George shook his head. "Just... just tired!" He smiled at her, nodding as they entered the elevator. He pressed the floor for the surgical floor. "People have mostly forgotten the-the _007 thing_."

The way he said it under his breath made Jamie giggle softly, looking down at the floor. The "007 thing" had been something small and didn't change anything about the program yet everyone was still pretty hung up on it. They liked to whisper things around George, the nickname that would probably follow him around for the rest of his intern year until someone else fell victim to Burke.

"Well that's good," Jamie assured. "That means everyone is moving on. Just make sure not to do anything that'll spark it up again."

George nodded. "Probably a good idea." He shuffled on his feet and sniffled. "Hey, are you—"

The elevator doors snapped open to reveal a very tired Meredith and Izzie, the blonde looking more punctual than usual. Jamie grinned at them while George turned red and shuffled closer to a wall. Meredith stepped into the lift causing Izzie to practically skip inside, taking a large sip of her drink. Seeing that their floor was already selected, Meredith took a stand next to Jamie while Izzie peeked her head between their shoulders.

"Meredith—"

"Izzie, I already told you: _no_. I don't want to see you anymore than I already have to." Meredith's swift reply made Jamie cringe. So Izzie seemed to have the same question that she had. Grey's answer seemed a little harsh but Jamie understood not wanting to hang out with your co-workers more than you have to.

"But—"

"I'm not sparing my room to you." Meredith snapped.

Izzie blinked and frowned while George's head shot up from the daze like stare he had on the ground since the two had entered. Jamie had discreetly tuned in due to that, needing to get out of her hotel room and get more personalized and something cheap.

"Wait, you're renting out your room?" George asked, his interest piqued.

Meredith sighed heavily, pinching her nose. "I am not renting it to you either, George."

"Come on!" Izzie whined, hopping on her foot. "Just give us an interview!"

Meredith seemed to ponder on this idea, glancing towards Jamie as if wondering if she also wanted to get in on this action. The woman kept her eyes directed on the floor counter, the muscle in her jaw jumping knowing that Meredith's eyes were on her.

"Fine." Meredith turned towards them with crossed arms. "What time do you wake up?"

"5 am," Izzie answered.

"6:30," George gave Izzie a look that verged on disgust.

Meredith made a noise. "Your favorite 80's song?"

Izzie shrugged like it was the easiest question she's ever been asked. "' _Girls Wanna Have fun_ '."

"' _When Doves Cry_ '..." George said hesitantly. Izzie and Meredith looked towards him with raised eyebrows while Jamie peeked at him over Meredith's shoulder. He shrugged, stumbling over his words. "It was on the radio a lot!"

"Mpmh," Meredith shook her head. "I don't think this will work—"

"Based on _songs_?" Izzie asked, incredulous.

"Yep." Meredith popped the 'p' over her shoulder as the elevator doors opened to the surgical floor. Jamie followed close behind while George and Izzie seemed to attempt to save this interview.

"Why do you put up posters for roommates if you don't want roommates?" Izzie inquired.

"I do want roommates," Meredith shot back as Cristina joined them in their strides. "We're together a hundred hours a week, you want to live together too?"

"No." Cristina butt in, her face was scrunched with discomfort. She glanced at the coffee in Meredith's hand that Jamie had just noticed herself. "You're bringing bribes now?"

"I need a place to live!" George said desperately. "My mom irons my scrubs. I have to get out of there."

"It's not a bribe," Meredith turned her attention to Cristina who looked less than convinced. She then looked at George and Izzie, stating, once again: "I don't think it's a good idea."

"It's totally a bribe." Cristina said, looking at Jamie. The woman blinked at the other seemingly shocked that she had spoken to her and then nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, she's probably going to ask for a surgery." Jamie added, ignoring the fight for Meredith's house that was breaking out next to them. "Which won't work, Bailey doesn't seem like the type to take coffee for a surgery."

"Very true." Cristina agreed.

Cristina was one of the interns that Jamie really wanted to get along with but she had seen the woman snap at another intern after he gave her a simple "hello". She was intimidating and very intelligent but she had seen Cristina and Meredith talk with each other and it was as if they had each other. After only a short time, the two were becoming great friends.

The group of interns approached their resident who looked less than happy to see them. She clutched her clipboard in her hand and didn't even glance up at them.

"George, you're running the code team. Meredith, take the trauma patients. Cristina, deliver the weekend labs to the patients, Izzie you're on sutures, and James.." Bailey frowned at her notes.

"Yes, Dr. Bailey?" Jamie asked with a hint of excitement in her voice.

"Dr. Hiromi's service."

Jamie deflated and let her shoulders drop. She had been on Hiromi's service for a week now, she was pretty sure the woman held a grudge against her for leaving Lisa alone on her first shift. Every time they were in the same room, she would silently assess what was in the charts and then ask Jamie every question she could think of— then she would decide that the youngest Shepherd needed to work on her people skills, having her sitting with the patient and walking them through the procedure. Hiromi would give her a long stare before returning back to her work, shooting her a backhanded order and then walking off.

She decided that it was best to go get ready for the day before Hiromi found her and told her how long she was talking. ' _Definitely one of Mark's old friends_.' A part of Jamie thought, making her grimace.

Upon entering the locker room she was met with a few other interns scattered here and there, then there was the man she had met at orientation. His eyes seemed to find hers and the corner of his lip twitched upwards into a smirk.

 _Alex Karev_ , she distantly remembered him introducing himself. He seemed a little arrogant in his walk, the way he held himself was filled with confidence but usually just meant they were hiding some deep rooted insecurities.

She turned to her locker and placed her bag inside, grabbing her scrubs. She pulled her blue shirt over her head and then tugged her pants on.

"Jamie, right?"

Said woman jumped and whirled to face Alex who had silently leant against the lockers next to her with an expectant eyebrow raised. Jamie blinked at him as she clipped her pager to her hip and tucked her notepad into her upper pocket. The way he looked at her had her shifting from foot-to-foot, letting a nervous smile splitting on her face.

"Yeah. You're Alex." Jamie said without a doubt making Alex chuckle softly, nodding. "I never forget a face."

"Especially when they're so pretty?"

Jamie laughed softly, tucking some of her hair back when it fell in her face. "Right."

Alex joined in and crossed his arms over his chest.

Jamie found the air around him surprisingly relaxing and easy, he was very smooth in his conversation. She gave another smile as she secured her locker and then turned towards him fully, giving him her full attention. She studied the way Alex's face almost always seemed to remain impassive, calm and smooth. Jamie wished she had the will to be that calm.

"I have the Nazi now. My resident passed me over." Alex suddenly blurted, placing his hands on his hips and staring at her over his nose. "Bailey, right?"

"Yes." Jamie nodded. "Why did your resident do that? Not that... I mean, welcome to team Bailey but—"

"He left," Alex shrugged, his lips twitched upwards again. He seemed amused by her stumbling. "Got matched over at Hopkins and jumped for it. I don't blame him, this place is a dump."

"Right.." Jamie muttered, slightly amused. It was becoming increasingly obvious that Alex Karev wasn't a optimistic person and would rather look at the world as it was— corrupt and a game of survival. Jamie didn't exactly agree with that overview yet when there were so many people who approached life like that, it wasn't a surprise that that's how it would turn out.

She was vaguely aware that Alex was just standing there, seemingly waiting for her to speak but she was so focused on her own thoughts she didn't realize. He took that as his cue to speak once again.

"Is Bailey really _Nazi-like_?"

Jamie waved a passive hand. "She's not _that_ bad, she just needs to warm up to you really."

Jamie didn't really understand how Bailey got her nickname. It surely didn't mean anything good and the young Shepherd wouldn't want that to be pegged on her. Sure, Dr. Bailey could unsettle someone if she wanted to but she didn't warrant that nickname. There was an example last week of when Bailey had a child under Burke's service and the child seemed very overwhelmed by what was being explained so the resident had stepped up and started: " _He's just going to check out your heart when you're asleep so they can see that it's pumping okay._ " Jamie had grinned at her, sending her own reassuring expression towards the child. Bailey had shot her a look. " _If you say a word about this to one of your little friends. I will make your life a living hell._ "

Bailey was really compassionate with her patients, she just seemed really aggressive with her interns.

Jamie knew that, in time, Bailey would warm up to her.

She looked down at her pager when it let out its deafening trill. Jamie winced and looked down at it.

**911 - HIROMI, D. OR 4.**

She looked back to Alex with a small smile. "I've—"

"Go. I get it." Alex smirked. "Maybe you can tell me the up and downs of Dr. Bailey."

Jamie gave a breath in affirmation and was out the door in a run. She needed to get down the OR before anything too tragic happened and Hiromi could possibly blame it on her for being "too slow". She would shout some apologies over her shoulder at any poor sap who ended up in her way, them muttering "asshole" or some other profanity under their breath. She had been told numerous times not to run through the halls by nurses, residents, even an attending in passing. Even as a child she had been yelled at for her inappropriate timing for running, especially in the middle of the night to go to the restroom.

Years later she was still running up and down the halls like a nine-year-old needing to go to the bathroom at 2 am.

She slammed the door open to the scrub room to see the OR completely full. Her eyebrows shot up in surprise to see that Burke was working on the patient's heart while Hiromi and Derek were at the head and it seemed like every scrub nurse in the hospital was in this one room. She spotted Meredith at the feet of the patient. Half of her face was covered by the mask but Jamie could see the perturbed look in her eyes that made the intern feel uneasy.

She tied a mask over her face and walked into the OR, clasping her hands behind her back. Her attention was directed solely on Hiromi who glanced up at her, the surgeon let out a small noise (something between exhausted and amusement) and spoke up.

"Dr. Shepherd, nice of you to join us. Come over here."

Jamie glanced at Derek who gave a small smile in return, nodding. She walked forward and looked over the nurses' shoulders. She got a good look at the patient's hands which were bandaged and looked really damaged. There was blood under their nails and bruised, surely there were some breaks.

"Did they fight?" Jamie decided to ask, looking up from their fingers.

"She did," Burke decided to answer, glancing up from where he was elbow deep within the patient's chest. "We've got a warrior on our hands."

There were a few chuckles peppered around the room that made Jamie nod slowly.

"Allison," Meredith spoke up causing people to look over at her. She looked troubled as she looked to each doctor, finally resting on Derek's eyes. "Her name's Allison."

Jamie watched with squinted eyes as Derek nodded slowly, the corner of his eyes crinkled at the corners. "Allison." He said it quietly, seemingly trying to engrain it in his mind.

She looked back to Meredith who held Derek's eyes for a beat longer and then looked at her. The woman couldn't help but raise an eyebrow and tilt her head, Meredith just gave her a little shake of her head.

The moment was broken by Burke who let out a noise and pulled something from the woman's body. He held it up and squinted at it. "Does anyone know what this is?"

Jamie looked at it for one moment and widened her eyes, letting out a soft gasp. "Oh-Oh my..." She shook her head and blinked.

Meredith, however, couldn't help herself when she exclaimed: "Oh my God!"

Burke looked between them with raised eyebrows. "Grey, Shepherd, something you would like to share?"

Meredith stuttered while Jamie shifted uncomfortably, Derek glanced at his sister while Hiromi sighed. "Shepherd, tell us."

"It's his, erm...that's a man's..."

"Spit it out."

"That's a man's penis." Jamie finally blurted, her face blooming red in embarrassment. There were some gasps around and Burke practically threw the penis into a tin.

Hiromi let out a laugh, shaking her head. "A true warrior indeed."

* * *

Jamie was at a nurse station filling out some charts for Hiromi, leaning her cheek against her fist. George was there but he didn't seem like he was exactly in the mood to talk, just staring at his paperwork. She looked up from the charts and stared at him with a prying expression.

"I saw a brain," she said bluntly.

George hummed without looking up, marking something. "That's really cool."

She frowned at him, lowering her chin to rest on her crossed arms. "There was a severed penis in this woman's body."

George let out an alarmed noise, his pen slashing across the page as he met Jamie's amused eyes. He huffed, shaking his head as if to get that image out of his head. Jamie couldn't help but let out a laugh, her eyes crinkled close and nose scrunching.

"You made that up!" George accused.

Suddenly, a cooler slammed on the desk next to Jamie causing both doctors to snap their attention to rather displeased Meredith Grey. Jamie straightened and used the end of her pen to push the cooler away from her.

"What's that?" George asked, sounding a little shaky due to their previous conversation.

Jamie grinned at him, shaking her head. "Don't ask things you don't want to know, George."

George frowned at her. "I do want to know! Really!" He protested.

Meredith sighed, her eyebrow was raised in that way that said 'this is your funeral'. "Really? You really want to know?" George gave a stern nod, Jamie turning her eyes back to the papers in front of her, sending George a warning look. "It's a severed penis, George."

George snapped his eyes to Jamie and shook his head in disbelief and disgust. "I can't believe this." He muttered, placing his face in his hands. "I really didn't want to know."

"I don't know why I'm the one who has to be hugged." Cristina whined, turning a corner with Alex close behind her. He wore a smirk on his face and looked towards the three with raised eyebrows.

Jamie sent him a small smile, nodding. She then looked to Cristina to listen to her complaints.

"Because I don't do that. Besides, you're the ovarian sister here." He replied backhandedly, chuckling to himself. Jamie blinked at him while Cristina gave him a shocked expression, turning to Jamie and Meredith for back up.

"Did you just call me an ovarian si- an ovarian- since when has the possession of ovaries become an insult?"

Jamie gave Alex a pointed look and wagged a finger at him. "That was uncalled for."

He came to rest against the station next to her and stared at her with droopy lids and a smirk once again. "I'm sorry to say, Dr. ovarian sister already gave me that tour, Dr. Shepherd."

Meredith's eyebrows shot up to her forehead, sharing a glance with Cristina. She gestured between the two. "You know each other?"

Jamie turned towards the three interns that gave her their own respective expressions. Meredith looked a little shocked, Cristina seemed disappointed in her, while George wore a slightly peeved expression. She gave them a shrug in return.

"I met him first."

Alex wore a smug expression, looking as though he was going to say something but George spoke over him. "Meredith is carrying around a penis in a jar." He said distastefully. Cristina raised her eyebrows and turned to her friend, she glanced back at George before sighing and walking away.

Alex winked at Jamie and then turned on his heel, following after Cristina.

Jamie turned her attention back to her papers but not before she met George's eyes. They were narrowed and his lips were pressed together as though he was trying to get her to confess to something.

"What?" She frowned, leaning forward.

"Nothing," he mumbled under his breath, turning his attention to Meredith who had fallen silent. She looked distant and the troubled expression she had worn in the OR was back. "You okay?"

Meredith slowly shook her head and focused her eyes on them, clearing her throat. "Yeah..." She sighed, her shoulders falling in defeat. "Allison's shoes. Her shoes. I have the same ones. In my locker. And I normally never wear them, because they're not comfortable, but today I did, and she was wearing the same shoes and it's just..." she looked back to their expressions and laughed softly to herself, it almost sounded pitiful. "...stupid, and I'm tired, just forget it."

Jamie shook her head. "I think you have every right to be spooked. Maybe it's a sign that you need to be there for Allison."

Meredith shrugged. "I don't know, Derek's been sitting with her since she got out of surgery."

"Derek?" George asked, turning his attention towards the way Meredith had said his name.

The more that time ticked by, the more Jamie knew that her brother and Meredith Grey were definitely involved together.

"I'll go check on him." Jamie affirmed quietly.

* * *

Jamie strolled up to Allison's room an hour later. She found her brother sitting leisurely in a chair while he signed off his charts. He looked slightly apprehensive and a little discomforted but he sat quietly in the room while Allison recovered from her injuries. She stared at her face and pondered how she could go from someone living their life to fighting for it all alone.

"She reminds me of Amelia," she spoke. She saw him stiffen in the corner of her eye, he looked at her and rested his fingers against his chin. "Very resilient and brave. Allison isn't going to give up."

Derek let out a little chuckle. "It's funny, she reminds me of you." He shifted almost uncomfortably. Jamie frowned at him, watching as he watched Allison's chest rise and fall with each breath the ventilator took for her. "Alone in a new city, strong, resilient."

Jamie smiled awkwardly, clasping her hands together. "More Amelia than me though." She teased softly, moving awkwardly.

She moved forward and checked over Allison's vitals, then moved back. She glanced over at Derek and then sat down in the chair across from him.

"Have you heard from Amy?" She asked hesitantly.

"No." Derek's answer was immediately and sharp.

In New York, Amelia hadn't had the best life. Jamie had tried talking to her many times, hinting that maybe it would be best if she took a break from the city and went somewhere else. She'd disagree time and time again so, the first time, she turned to Derek and told him that she wasn't okay. It had blown up into something more which had Amelia waking Jamie up at 4 am to yell at her. She was so angry and so... finished. She'd been rushed off to rehab after that and their relationship had been a little rocky after that.

Amelia and Derek were hot-n-cold depending on when they ran into each other in life.

"I hope she's okay," she muttered quietly. No matter how many times Amelia yelled at her, said she betrayed her, she'd never completely forget her.

"Yeah." Derek snapped the chart closed. "Me too."

The silence dragged on and Jamie felt it weigh over them like a heavy blanket. She uneasily shifted and looked towards Derek once more. His eyes were unwavering as he stared at Allison, his fingers softly tapped against his chin and a single curl rested on his forehead. Derek took a deep breath, it was so heavy with exhaustion and anxiety that Jamie was surprised to hear it from him. 

He's changed. Everyone had.

"If this was me," he suddenly spoke over the white noise silence offered. She slowly blinked at him as he swallowed thickly. "If it was lying in this bed-- whether I be dying or just needing to recover-- I would want you by my side. You know, making the hard choices because I know you know what's right."

Jamie stared at him with wide eyes. For a moment, she had thought about a world where Derek wasn't in it-- that thought alone made her panic. That seemed like a dull world. Derek would suddenly be a memory and Jamie would have to carry on like he was a thing of the past. In her mind, he would probably be in a street doing something heroic that ended with him in the hospital. Then she would have to make the hard decisions. Just like he said.

Briefly, Jamie glanced away. Then, back. "If it was me, would you be able to do the same?"

He paused, his lower lip caught between his teeth as he very hesitantly pushed out the words. "I'll always take care of you, even when you can't take care of yourself." 

The admission made Jamie want to break down. She smiled at him shakily. "I'll take care of you too."

They smiled. 

_She'd take care of Derek as long as he needed her to_.

* * *

Jamie stalked down the Peds hallway to where everyone was gathered, watching the babies inside the room in front of them. She stopped next to Meredith and took a deep breath. "My favorite 80s band is Guns n' Roses, my favorite 80s song is Time After Time. Sometimes I wake up at 4 am and sometimes 12 pm, it just depends on how I feel that day. I don't cook, I'm a terrible cook, you would not believe the things I can burn. But I love doing laundry, I love how-how fresh everything is. I've been told I was a good roommate but that was also my boyfriend at the time so he had to say that." She then turned her attention to everyone around them. "I also want to go to Joe's with you guys because I really think I'd get along with you if given the chance-- maybe we'd even be friends!"

Everyone stared at her with wide eyes, Izzie's face was the first to blossom into a smile. Cristina was the one to reach over and smacked Jamie's arm softly.

"Look who got some balls," she crossed her arms and nodded. "I can go to Joe's after my shift-- 20 minutes."

"Me too." Chimed in George with a grin.

"I'd never miss out on a free drink." Meredith said, smiling softly. "There is a room in the attic, no one's been up there in a while but you can have it as long as you need."

Jamie grinned happily, looking at each person. "Awesome." She slowly stumbled backwards and pointed over her shoulder. "I'll just... yeah."

She ignored her phone buzzing in her pocket, happy to finally get to know the people around her. 


	4. chapter three

Jamie let out a peaceful sigh as she fell back to her mattress. The attic at Meredith's house was surprisingly different to the one she had back in New York. Her one at her mother's was always cold and had a stale aura in the air. She wondered who had last slept in the bed she now occupied, she sure hoped it wasn't anyone dead.

(She didn't want any of that bad juju.)

Jamie was just getting comfortable when her door opened and George stuck his head inside. The woman didn't open her eyes but raised her hand to signal him to stop.

"Are you here to complain?"

George licked his lips and looked towards the ceiling with a nervous expression, shaky smile on his lips. "A-A little..."

Jamie contemplated exactly what he could need to complain about but let out a heavy sigh and motioned for him to enter the room before she changed her mind. He let out a squeak, turning and closing the door behind him before flopping backwards on the bed and staring at the ceiling.

"Reveal to the sweet James what Georgie is so bothered by," Jamie said, twirling her hand in the air and speaking with an accent.

George looked towards her with an amused smile before setting his face serious again. He cleared his throat, opening his mouth to speak but nothing came out. The silence dragged on and Jamie honestly didn't mind it, she would give him as much time as he needed and if that meant sitting in silence for two hours before Jamie had to do her rounds-- so be it.

Over the past week and a half, her and George grew closer. He would greet her at work and they would talk with each other, some idle gossip. At lunch they would sit together, shortly joined by Alex who would sit between them, explaining in length how his day was. She had her little trio, her boys.

Although Jamie had her doubt that George or Alex actually enjoyed each other's company. In fact, George would subtly glance at his friend ever so often, his eyes basically pleading that they leave or somehow get Alex to leave. Every backhanded comment that Alex would make towards George just proved her point further.

So Jamie's plan was to just have them spend more time together and eventually, hopefully, they would learn how to stand each other.

"Did you get a divorce?"

George's words caused Jamie to slowly open her eyes and turn her head towards him with raised eyebrows. It almost made her burst into laughter, the doe eyed look in his eyes and the corner of his lips pulled down as if she held the answers of the universe. She opened her mouth once then closed it, squinting at him.

"Did I what?"

George's eyes widened and he seemed almost worried that he had overstepped. "I-I'm sorry, it's just...well, you both work at the hospital and you haven't changed your last name..."

Jamie's eyebrows were inching closer to her hairline as she became more and more confused. She wasn't exactly following what he was implying.

"Were you and Derek Shepherd married?"

Jamie stared at George before she threw her head back and started laughing loudly, the sound bounced off the walls and probably could be heard from downstairs. She placed her arms around her middle, shaking her head and hoping that the message was clear to George-- the idea of such was ridiculous and he had approached this at the wrong angle.

"No!" Jamie said through her laughs. She took a few deep breaths and stared at the ceiling once again. " _He's my brother_."

"Oh-- _Oh God_ ," George muttered, his own eyes turning to the ceiling with horror. "I am so sorry."

"It's okay, you didn't know."

George gulped and rubbed his hands against his stomach, suddenly wanting to be anywhere but in this room. He had assumed by the way they spoke to each other and seemed to know what the other was going to do before they did it, they did share the same last name too. Now that he thought about it, they shared similar features that made him blanch. He currently felt like a fool.

Jamie's lips continued to stay in the amused smile as she returned back to her half conscious state, wanting nothing more than to drift into sleep. The room was bare as most of her things were still in boxes and most of the room was filled with Ellis Grey's things. That still made her back chill, she was living in a frat house with Ellis Grey's daughter, slept in her attic and had her old things surrounding her. She was quite literally living in greatness.

"Izzie keeps bothering me about my room," George decided to change the subject. He sighed heavily as if the weight of the woman's constant bothering was wearing him down. "She even woke up Meredith because the room has a bigger closet."

"At least she has a closet." Jamie said bitterly, shooting a glance towards the three drawers that lined the far wall. She truly didn't mind, it wasn't like she had a whole bunch of clothes but the clunky drawers were obviously for a young girl, bright pink and with butterfly stickers lining the sides, little handprints on the front with bigger ones following after it.

She waved a hand when she finally looked away. "Tell Izzie to get over it."

George snorted. "I wish, she'd probably just tell me I'm an ass."

"You are."

"Hey!"

Jamie gave him a cheeky smile. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding."

George huffed, crossing his arms. "I don't know why we're friends, you just bully me."

"One of my most charming qualities." Jamie said teasingly, she patted his leg and groaned as she got up. "Now, let's go before Izzie finds her way up here."

* * *

"So every year this bar--"

"The Dead Baby Bar," Meredith nodded, helping Jamie tie her gown as she helped Cristina.

They were currently setting up for the oncoming traumas that were bound to come in due to this Dead Baby Bike Race that happened every year due to some bar's contest. Jamie was all for drinking, everyone needed something sometimes and if that was a nice vodka, go for it. But if it was going to the point where the ER had to set up for traumas then she was thinking that drinking wasn't the best option for these people. They needed to go down to the liquor store and just get their own bottles, drink from the safety of their own home instead of putting other people at risk.

George continued to question the logic behind this race. "Every year, they hold this underground bike race?"

"Don't you wonder why someone would name a bar something so disgusting?" Izzie spoke up, sounding slightly peeved.

Jamie shrugged, tugging some gloves onto her hands. "Dead Baby isn't as bad as half the bar names in New York." She suddenly snorted, shaking her head. "There was one that my friends took me to that was called Rehab."

Cristina glanced over at her, one eyebrow twitching upwards. "Are you sure you weren't actually in rehab."

"Ha. Ha." Jamie shot her a look. "Very funny."

"The race is completely illegal, and--" George was speaking once again.

"Crazy," Meredith interrupted, "a bunch of bike messengers racing against traffic trying to beat each other for free shots of tequila."

"All-out, no holds barred competition, sounds like fun." Alex said as he joined the group, he took a place behind Jamie who sent him a small smile. He nodded at her and tugged on his gloves.

Izzie scoffed, hard and sharp. "Yeah, you would think that."

George shot him a glance, frowning. "The race doesn't even have any rules. Except eye gouging-- no eye gouging."

"Delightful." Jamie muttered.

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Oh great, we're going to be trapped in the pit bandaging up idiots when we could be up in the OR?"

George's face scrunched up and he shook his head. "What kind of people engage in a race that has, as its only rule, that you can't rip out the eyeballs of another human being?"

"Men, Georgie, men." Alex patted his back and Jamie shot him a look.

"Idiots that's who." Jamie muttered.

Bailey entered the area, looking at her interns who took up most of the hallway. "I need someone to get to the OR floor, the Chief needs a right hand."

All their hands except Jamie's shot up, she'd much rather be roaming the pit for some medical miracle. She cupped her hands together and unfortunately met Bailey's eyes, the woman squinted at her and then pointed at her and George.

"O'Malley, Shepherd, OR." George let out an excited noise while Jamie deflated, stumbling slightly as Alex landed a harsh pat on her back.

"Dr. Bailey--" Jamie held out her hand, hoping to catch her attention.

Bailey held up a hand, her eyes lazily meeting hers. "I don't hear the sound of you rushing to the OR floor, Shepherd."

Jamie sighed and tore the gown off of herself and the gloves, trailing behind the excited George who held the elevator door open for her. She slipped inside and pressed the button for them, leaning against the wall.

She had finally been released from Hiromi's service, and the doctor hadn't come to work for the past week-- taking a sudden vacation. Jamie had frowned, felt some slight worry and had even asked Derek where she had rushed off to but he gave her a look. His usual look that told her to steer clear of whatever was going on. The intern just felt as though she had grown close to the attending, although she had been pushing her around a lot lately, she couldn't help but want to know she was okay.

She just hoped she made it back safely.

* * *

The surgery that Dr. Webber was going to do was not for the interns. They were, instead, taking care of the Chief's V.I.P. patient Mackie. The man was very charming and had Jamie giggling, smiling with amusement every time he shot some flirtatious comment towards George would blush and sputter. His voice was like honey and he liked to shoot Jamie a look every time George fussed over the man's habit of smoking every time they looked away.

The poor man was in a desperate need of a liver transplant, something that he would throw some type of joke about what he was feeling. While George rushed about (seeming to want to avoid Mackie due to his insistent flirting), Jamie sat with him and charted however he was doing every hour. Which meant the two were stuck talking for a long while, even when the TV was one Mackie would make some comment about how ridiculous the main character was being.

Now, Mackie sat, whipping tears from his eyes as some old movie ended while Jamie stared at the screen with a frown of confusion.

"I don't understand, why didn't she just confess her love before she went on the plane?" She turned to Mackie who chuckled at her.

"She didn't know she was going to die before she got on that plane, dear." He said it as if it was normal, as if he had encountered someone dying in a plane crash before they could confess.

Jamie snorted, leaning back in her chair. "Well, if she knew that she loved him she shouldn't just... blurted it out."

This caused Mackie to laugh loudly, soon turning into a cough as he grabbed his water and took a sip. After he calmed down, he placed his hands on either side of him and stared at her with amusement. "I'm going to assume that you've never had to confess love to someone. It's scary and new every time. If you're lucky if you get a second or third one and I'm not talking about some childish love in highschool but that raw emotion the feeling of being off your feet." He looked out the window and sighed heavily, shakily. "It makes you want to take a leap even if you think it'll kill you."

Jamie looked down to the floor. She could recall the one time she felt like she was in the clouds, like she could go through a plane crash and survive by the sheer power of love. That breathless whisper as she ran her fingers through his hair. The way his eyes sparkled with what seemed to be awe before his jaw set and he told her that he didn't understand.

She let out a scoff and shook her head, tapping her pen against the chart.

Mackie made a sound close to realization. "Ah, so Juliet has found Romeo but it didn't go so well?"

Jamie gave him a look and a bitter smile. "This isn't an appropriate conversation."

"He couldn't commit?" Mackie didn't let the clenched of her jaw go unnoticed, tsking as he shook his head. "Well, sweetheart, he doesn't deserve you."

"Mackie, we only met seven hours ago." Jamie gave him a teasing look, shaking her head.

"I'm a good judge of character." He winked. "He must be an ass."

"Trust me, he is." Jamie muttered under her breath.

"Uh," their attention went to George who stood awkwardly in the entrance of the room. He shifted from foot-to-foot as he kept his eyes on Jamie who was turning red. "Can I talk to you out here?"

Jamie nodded and placed her things down in her chair, joining George at the door.

"There is a possible donor for Mackie."

"What? That's amazing!" Jamie grinned, turning to inform the man when George grabbed her arm and turned her back around.

George shook his head, waving a panicked hand. "No, no, _possible_. I-I need to go convince Dr. Burke to keep a brain dead patient alive."

Jamie placed her hand on her hip and raised a brow, shaking her head slowly. "Okay? So go and ask Burke."

"But--"

"George, do you want Mackie to suffer more?" She asked gently, trying to convince him that he had to look past his fear and advocate for the patient.

"Please, I need you to help me. I-I can't do this, Jamie." George said quietly, his face turning red. "I look at Burke and I get all shaky because he makes me nervous."

Jamie's eyebrows shot to her hairline and she gave a small smile, shifting on her feet. "Do you have a crush on Burke?"

"What?! _No_!"

"It's okay if you do, it's kinda cute!"

"Jamie, please--"

"I mean, you two would make a cute couple. Soft boy goes for hardcore surgeon."

" _I'm not gay_!" George exclaimed causing some heads to turn and Jamie to lean against the wall, blinking. He rubbed his hands together. "I-I don't have a crush on Burke, I have a problem with authority, okay? So please, just do the talking."

Jamie snorted softly, looking down. "George, I don't know if you've noticed but I'm not the best at talking with people." He didn't look deterred so she let out a sigh and nodded. "Okay, let's go."

* * *

The group of interns were rather surprised when they saw Jamie Shepherd approach Burke with the Chief of Surgery. She looked slightly caught off guard but she kept her chin held high and a shaky smile on her face.

"Dr. Burke, erm..." she glanced at Chief Webber who gave an encouraging nod at her. "Your bike race patient, the one who is brain dead... he is a match for one of my patients who is in desperate need of a liver. He is incredibly kind and--"

"Preston, is there anything you can do to keep that man alive?" Webber asked as he sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. Obviously he could tell that the woman was going to go into some sort of rant that was an attempt to appeal to the cardiac surgeon.

Burke kept his gaze on the intern, raising his chin and puffing his chest. "There is a possibility."

"Good. Prep him." Webber looked at Jamie. "Shepherd, let's deliver the good news."

He walked away and Jamie was frozen under Burke's gaze. She opened her mouth, holding up a finger and hopping on her heels as if she was going to give a long winded explanation as to why she went over his head at her friend's request. Jamie saw the look in his eyes and decided against it, turning on her heel and sprinting down the hall to walk with Webber.

They came to a stop at Mackie's room, the man was half asleep obviously dreary from all the talking that they had earlier. Webber walked over to Mackie and placed a hand on his shoulder while Jamie leant against the doorway.

"How're we treating you?" Webber asked.

Mackie let out a chuckle. "Oh, fine. Except that beautiful boy won't let me smoke. You should reprimand him. Make him change bedpans." He peeked an eye open and smiled at Webber. "Juliet there has been keeping me company, amazing conversation."

Webber let out a deep laugh that brought a smile to Jamie's face. "Mackie... Juliet found you a liver."

Mackie's eyes shot open and landed on Jamie with shock, his mouth opened and closed. He was speechless which left him to cry, pressing one of his hands against his mouth and sobbing quietly. Jamie's heart clenched and she looked down, stepping outside of the room to give him some privacy.

Shed waited there until Webber came out. "Chief, is there any way you could let George O'Malley scrub into the surgery? He-He is the one that found Mackie the liver--"

Webber held up a finger and stared down at her. "Dr. Shepherd, you are the one that came to me about this liver." He pointed out.

"Yes, sir but--"

"O'Malley should've come to me." Webber nodded, he stared at her a beat longer. "I want to see your skill, Shepherd. Scrub in tomorrow."

She just knew that George wasn't going to be happy with her.

* * *

Jamie entered the home to find Izzie and George going through some of Meredith's boxes. She frowned at them, placing her bag down and flopped back into a chair. She rubbed her forehead and closed her eyes, trying to relax. She felt as though she was a mother watching her children play after a long day at work. They were making noises every time Izzie pulled out a tape making Jamie frown deeper and deeper.

"What are you doing?"

Izzie held up a VHS, grinning. "Looking at some of Mer's mom's surgeries." She explained. She looked at the label and blinked several times before announcing to the room like a bidder. "Gastric perforation!"

Jamie snorted and shook her head. She knew that as soon as Meredith came home that she wouldn't be too happy that the two were going through her mother's things. She wanted to get into her room before the woman came home because last she saw, Meredith looked very upset.

Her silence caused George to grin back at her, raising an eyebrow. "How did the Burke thing go?"

Jamie tensed, rubbing her hands together and taking a deep breath. She gave him a small smile, shrugging. "He's getting the liver and, uh, Webber wants you to scrub in tomorrow morning." She stood again and grabbed her bag. "I-I'm gonna head to bed, night."

George frowned and looked to Izzie. "Is she acting weird?"

Izzie raised a suggestive eyebrow, smirking. "Maybe she knows?"

George pushed her slightly. "She doesn't know," he raised the drink to his lips and then blanched. "Unless you told her?"

Izzie rolled her eyes. "I didn't tell her anything, she barely even talks to me." She gasped and held up another tape. "Skin graft!"

The front food swung open to reveal Meredith who stopped short upon seeing her two roommates surrounded by boxes and pictures now neatly tucked into places. She dropped her arm and loosely held onto her bag as she walked into the living room. Her walk was similar to Jamie's who had passed through only moments ago.

Except this time Meredith knew what they were looking at.

"Are those my mother's surgical tapes?"

George nodded, popping a chip into his mouth as he took the tape from Izzie. "We should watch the skin grafting one first. I've never seen one of those." He said cheerfully.

Meredith clenched her jaw, taking a deep breath through her nose. Her eyes rested on a picture of her and her mother when she was no more than six-years-old. Her gut twisted distastefully and she stomped over, grabbing the picture and having the overwhelming urge to break it.

"Where did all of this stuff come from?"

Izzie looked up, gulping down the beer she had opened. "Oh, I unpacked some of your mother's things." Meredith narrowed her eyes and clutched the picture even harder. Izzie pinched up her face. "I was upset, and when I'm upset I like to rest."

Meredith scoffed sharply and grabbed the pictures that lined the hedge. She threw them back into the boxes and then grabbed the tapes out of their hands. "We're not watching my mother's surgery tapes, we're not unpacking boxes, and we're not having long conversations where we celebrate the moments of our lives." She then snatched the beer out of George's hand. "And use a coaster!"

She stomped up the stairs and was ready to enter her room when she heard Jamie's voice. "Are you okay?"

Meredith paused in her movement and turned on her heel to give her other roommate a flat look. She glanced down at the basket in Jamie's hands and then back up at her. She felt some guilt well up in her, eyebrows drawing together and her lips pressed together. Meredith couldn't help but look at the resemblance. It was odd to have her crush's sister live under the same roof as her and it was even more awkward when her problems were because of said brother.

Jamie shifted the basket on her hip and tilted her head. "Meredith?"

The blonde looked down and leant against the wall. "I don't..." She sighed through her nose, shaking her head. "How's your liver transplant guy?"

Jamie shook her head and shrugged. "He's okay, likes to talk about past loves."

"Past loves?" Meredith frowned, crossing her arms. She glanced up and down the hall before opening her door and gesturing for her to join her. "Come on."

Jamie gave her a confused frown, slowly joining her inside her room and watching as Meredith flopped back onto her bed. The woman played with her hands after she set the basket down, falling onto the bed on the opposite side of Meredith. She just stared at the ceiling fan that spun steadily and surprisingly quietly.

She thought about the woman in the TV show who, with her dying breath, looked that man in the eyes and told him that she loved him. That she couldn't breathe without him. It almost made Jamie laugh seeing as the woman quite literally couldn't breathe but she was able to talk to him, to confess that one last thing. Now that stupid show had her thinking about Mark again, which she shouldn't do. She wondered what it would be like to know you were dying and look at a man that had caused you so much pain but you couldn't stop thinking about and just admit that.

She'd probably die before that could ever happen.

The silence in the room was unnerving to Jamie. The last time her and Meredith had hung out together was after the big get together at Joe's; they had come back all drunk and just played card games which turned into headbanz with said cards. Meredith got all four queen cards while Jamie was stuck with kings and jokers. Then they drank some more (which definitely bit them in the ass the next morning).

"They shouldn't go through your mother's things," Jamie spoke up, waving a flippant hand. "It's intrusive."

Meredith grumbled, waving her own hand of dismissal. "Needs to be done some time."

Jamie sighed, resting her hands over her stomach and tapping a beat against her skin. "Yeah, but you need to do it-- it's your mother." She pointed out gently.

Meredith didn't respond so Jamie just closed her mouth, keeping her attention on the beats that tapped against her stomach. She licked her lips and shook her head.

"Sorry, sorry, I'm being nosey."

"A bit." Meredith said softly, a small laugh escaping her mouth. She looked over and looked at Jamie's face. "Did you have an intrusive day too?"

Jamie let out a bitter laugh and rubbed her eyes with the butt of her palms. Her arms dropped and she continued to stare at the ceiling. "I'm thinking about someone I shouldn't." She admitted.

Meredith furrowed her brows and just listened.

"He was... God, he was everything for a while. I'd known him since I was a kid, y'know? I mean, I used to play hide-and-seek with the guy! Then it became something more at that stupid party. Mark was... " She started to rant, sniffling as the tears collected in her eyes. "Two months ago I had the most amazing guy, then he... and now I'm here, staying with people I don't know and confiding in a woman who probably hates me."

"I don't hate you." Meredith said immediately.

Jamie looked at her with raised eyebrows. "You and Cristina get this look whenever I...I'm sorry this is so stupid. God, I sound like a schoolgirl." She blushed furiously, closing her eyes and picking at her hands.

Meredith bit her lower lip, knowing that admitting this was going to be really awkward. "It's not because we hate you but because I'm...uh... well, the night before we started I..."

Jamie frowned, suddenly focused on her. "You what?"

"This is really awkward and I totally understand if you want to leave the room or even the house." Meredith started, rubbing her hands together. "I saw Derek."

Jamie frowned, scrunching her eyebrows together. "You saw Derek--" her eyebrows shot up and then her jaw set. "Oh, you _saw_ Derek."

"Yeah."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"I mean... I had a feeling..."

"A _feeling_?" Meredith asked teasingly.

Jamie snorted, shaking her head. "I mean, you guys weren't exactly subtle." She teased back, she cleared her throat. "I guessed it by the third week."

"Great," Meredith said bitterly. "Don't get me wrong, Derek is great but I think he's after the thrill."

Jamie sighed dejectedly. "They all are."

Meredith raised an eyebrow. "Jamie, who do you hang out with?"

Jamie looked at her with confusion, frowning deeply and with some embarrassment. "Uh, what?"

"At work, who do you go to to hang out?"

"Uh, Alex and George I guess... they're the only ones I've got the guts to talk to." Jamie admitted softly, playing with her shirt. "I, um, I am not a very social person. People scare me, they're unpredictable-- that's why I love surgery. All the organs, you can predict what they can do based on what surgery you're doing. It's like you're the composer and the organs are the instruments."

Meredith hummed, nodding and looking to the ceiling. "You know, I like you. You do your job, just like Cristina." She observed. "I mean, you do what you need to do."

"Sure." She said softly under her breath, feeling uncomfortable with the topic.

"What'd he do?" Jamie's face contorted into confusion at the sudden change of topic. "This guy-- Mark? What'd he do?"

Jamie huffed, closing her eyes nervously. "He... you know, he cheated on me. Mark's Mark and I was expecting it at some point but... I thought he would've given it a shot seeing as we were secretly jumping about for a better part of a year." She widened her eyes and shot her attention to Meredith who looked really interested. "Please don't tell Derek. I-I don't-I don't know what he'd do if he knew all that time I was seeing Mark..."

"Were they friends?" Meredith snorted when Jamie shot her a hopeless look. "Come on, you've got me interested in this drama now."

"They were best friends but things happen, people change, they grow apart, and that's just... life." Jamie shrugged, tapping that beat again. "You know... I think I'm a big enough idot to jump back to him if he showed up one day."

Jamie felt stupid admitting that. She felt like she should just shrivel up and die right there. It was certainly not something she wanted to say but it just jumbled out.

"Or punch him," Jamie added as an afterthought. "I think I'd beat him in his stupid face and then get a good kick in the jewels."

Meredith stared at her with a soft smile. "Yeah, that's what you have to do with men."

Jamie laughed loudly. "Take out the king's jewels and what does he have left?"

"Nothing."

"Pretty much."

They talked like that for the remainder of the night.

* * *

The next morning, Meredith was walking alongside Cristina who looked rather eager to get inside. It probably had to do with the transplant she was going to be involved in.

"They're everywhere. All the time." Meredith continued to complain about her roommates. "Izzie's all perky, and George does this thing where he's helpful and considerate, they share food and they say things and they move things, and they breathe. They're like _happy_."

She then gave her full attention to Cristina, her lips pulled down. "Although Jamie is like the perfect roommate. She hardly talks, does laundry, cooks, then goes to work." She thought back to their conversation last night and bit her lower lip. "I think she should hang out with us."

Cristina let out a groan. "Don't tell me you're trying to use his sister to gain points, Mer."

Meredith scoffed and shook her head. "No, Cristina, she's lonely. She said her only friend was George and Alex. _Alex_ of all people. She just doesn't know how to talk to people."

"So baby Shepherd talked to you last night, that's sweet. Did the topic of you banging her brother come up?"

"No, not really." Meredith licked her lips, not wanting to get into that. "But he did come up and so did some guy from New York whom she's still hung up on."

"Ah, you bond over your undying love for New York men."

"Cristina," she stopped and looked at her best friend. "Give her a chance."

Cristina lowered her sunglasses. "Mer, I don't hate her. I actually enjoyed when she bought us all drinks but I'm not going to act--"

The woman was cut off when someone darted past them. Jamie Shepherd shot them an apologetic look but nothing more as she vanished inside.

Cristina pushed her sunglasses back up and cleared her throat. "Whatever."

* * *

Jamie sat in the Chief's office, waiting patiently for him to speak. The man just sat there and stared at her, expression flat and eyes vacant it was almost like he wasn't there at all. It made Jamie want to hunch over and allow her face to be shielded by her hair so she didn't have to be so exposed like this. She didn't like the way he stared right through her as if she were a ghost and she were dead.

Webber finally leaned back in his chair, his hands intertwined on his stomach, gaze unwavering. "Dr. Shepherd when I told you to scrub in where in that order did you hear Dr. O'Malley."

"He found the liver--"

"Yet you were the one that came to me about it." He interrupted, shaking his head. She wanted to explain that she was simply giving George the opportunity that she was given, he deserved it more but it seemed that the Chief wasn't going to listen to her."Dr. Shepherd, there is a lot of potential for you but you seem to shoot down every chance."

Jamie stared at him with big eyes, rubbing her hands against her pant leg. "Dr. O'Malley is a great doctor, he found that liver and I don't regret giving the surgery to him." She let her leg jump and down nervously. "Mackie is healthy, he's going to live a full life where he'll eat bacon and have lots of sex, he'll confess love before he gets in a plane crash. It doesn't matter how I affected his life, it doesn't matter if I was in that surgery it just matters that this hospital ensured that Mackie would live the life he was meant to."

Webber stared at her, his expression didn't change from before just let his chin drop slightly as if the narrowing would help hone in on something within Jamie herself. He then gave a deep hum that seemed to come from within his gut and nodded slowly.

"You're much like your brother: focus on the patient, not the politics around it."

Jamie gave a soft smile. "He's a great role model."

Webber sighed heavily, waving a hand in her direction. "Get out of here, Shepherd. Do your rounds." Jamie nodded almost fearfully and hurried towards the door, stopping when Webber called out to her. She turned back and stared at him as he warned her: "Next time I tell you to scrub in, Dr. Shepherd, you better scrub in."

She just hoped next time wouldn't result in leaving her friend behind.


	5. chapter four

chapter four  
party in the usa

☀︎

"I wish I could hold a heart," George whispered in awe as he, Cristina, and Jamie watched Meredith assist Burke in a heart surgery. 

Jamie hummed softly, turning her attention to the magazine in her hands. She looked at the furniture that lined gracefully across the page. She was trying to help Meredith decide how to make the house pop more and feel more like home instead of some bitter funeral home. Not that she hated the house it just had a terrible feeling to it as if it was going to consume her before she could blink. 

"A monkey could hold a heart." Cristina spat, glaring down at her friend. 

Jamie frowned, glancing up after she circled a chair with her pen. "You're just upset because Burke didn't pick you." She pointed out softly. 

Cristina turned in her seat, glaring at her and ready to snap when Izzie sat down next to George to join in observation. She didn't look up from her phone as she spoke: "George, I need more ice and chips. Oh, and Jamie, can you get some punch bowls because Meredith--"

"Izzie," Jamie interrupted with narrowed eyes, closing the magazine in her lap. "How many people did you invite?"

Izzie was planning on having some party at Meredith's in order to greet her great big jockey boyfriend who was visiting for the weekend. To Meredith's knowledge the meeting was nothing more but a small cocktail party but Izzie had a different standard for cocktail. Jamie knew that once the blonde in the OR found out, Izzie was bound to die. 

"Izzie, we said the list was jocks only." Cristina said firmly with her own narrowed eyes, leaning forward to look at Izzie over Jamie. "Surgery, Trauma, Plastics. Who else?"

Izzie glanced upwards, guilt in her eyes as she picked at her lips. "Just some people from Peds."

Cristina groaned while Jamie rolled her eyes, her forehead falling into her hand. The cardio intern gave the blonde at the end her harshest glare, scoffing softly. "You invited preschoolers to Meredith's house. The next thing you'll say is you invited the shrinks." She went to direct her attention back to the surgery but found herself narrowing her eyes further when Izzie just froze up. Cristina slapped a hand on Jamie's shoulder causing the woman to jump in her seat with a frown. "She invited mental defects! This party is D.O.A."

Jamie sighed, rubbing her temples as she muttered to herself. "I've had too many shrinks in my life." Her mind went to her sister Kathleen who seemed to psychoanalyze everything everyone did. ("Now why did you choose the white instead of red, JJ?" "That stutter you have around him, is it because you're nervous or you're fearful?" ) Now that was torture. 

"You know, Meredith thinks this is just going to be a little, small, meet-your-boyfriend cocktail thing. Did you clear this with her?" George asked, his eyes pleading. 

Jamie licked her lips and stood, looking at Izzie. "Look, I know when you heard Meredith say she used to party hard during her med school days that you took that as a go ahead. But, Izzie, we have jobs now and I don't think Meredith wants to spend her day off cleaning."

Cristina waved a hand her way. "Exactly." She leaned back in her chair, her arm draped across the one next to her. "Why are you wasting the only weekend your boyfriend is in town on a big party? Is he bad in bed?"

Jamie let out a wince and leaned forward to whisper to Izzie. "I completely understand if you want me to get him really drunk so he passes out and you don't have to hurt his feelings." Izzie let out a laugh and pushed the woman's shoulder. The woman gave them a smile and a wink, wagging a finger at Izzie. "Talk to Meredith."

"I will!" Izzie protested, her lip sticking out in a pout. Although all three of her friends gave her doubtful glances. Cristina looked ready to continue her teasing/belittlement when her pager went off, with one glance she slapped Jamie's shoulder which caused her to blink up at her. 

"Bad sexy, sucks for you." Cristina shot one last time to Izzie. 

Jamie gave the woman another sympathetic glance. "I'm sorry, Iz." She and Cristina went to leave when they were stopped by Alex who looked rather peeved. 

"I heard there was a party tonight at Meredith's house."

All four glanced at each other, giving shrugs and innocent looks. (Much to Jamie's dismay because she truly enjoyed Alex's company but she didn't want to invite him to a party that was already overflowing.) They all seemed to give their own answers backhandedly. 

"Oh really, party?"

"Uh, news to me."

"No party."

"Parties are lame."

Alex scoffed, obviously not buying the pact they all seemed to hold. He gave his friend a look which she returned with a small smile and a shrug as if to say "what can you do?" and then quickly paced out of the room with Cristina.

☀︎

"Great job on the surgery, Mer!" Jamie said cheerfully as she joined the woman in the elevator. 

She didn't receive a response. The only indication that Meredith had actually heard her was the slight smile that she gave, respectfully nodding. Jamie stared at her. Her eyebrows quirked upwards and her smile faded. The woman stood, leaning against the wall next to her and resting her head against the wall too. Jamie wondered if the surgery had seriously affected her. 

Jamie cleared her throat, letting the smile grow once again. "That surgery went flawless--"

"She crashed for a whole minute," Meredith interrupted, giving her friend an incredulous look. "That was not flawless. Jamie, I did something horrible."

Jamie straightened with a worried expression, crossing her arms over her chest. Meredith's tone made her only grow more anxious. The look in her eyes seemed like she was guilty. 

"What?" She inquired softly, shifting. Jamie spared a glance at the slowly approaching floor, in which they would both hop off and meet Burke for their assignments for the day. The soft ding as they passed each floor was the only noise for a long time. Until Meredith finally met her eyes again, wide and face slightly pale. 

"When I squeezed that heart... my glove had a hole and I think I caused her to crash." 

Jamie tried to refrain from making a surprised expression because, knowing Meredith, she would likely take that she had done something seriously wrong. Which she might have, or might have not. Jamie was not a cardio surgeon, she didn't know how strong the patient's heart was or just how hard Meredtih had squeezed. But Burke had squeezed hearts all the time once they came off bypass and hadn't started on their own. 

Sure, the woman's glove had been exposed but she surely didn't cause the patient to flatline.

Jamie reached forward and placed a comforting hand on Meredith's shoulder. She gave a reassuring smile, tilting her head. "I'm sure that this wasn't your fault, Mer. Don't jump to any conclusions." She rubbed her chin with her hand. This couldn't entirely be her fault. "Have you told Burke?"

"Ah!" Meredith pointed a finger at her, face tight. "So you do think it's my fault!"

"N-No! I was just asking if you've at least informed someone so you don't get blamed?"

Meredith nibbled on her lower lip and turned her attention back to the numbers above them. She shook her head silently and brought her fingers against her lips. It didn't take a detective to know that the woman felt guilt but was worried about the future of her career. Jamie wasn't exactly sure which approach would help Meredith knowing that the woman- in her own words - was quite dark and twisty. 

"It'll be okay, Meredith." She assured quietly. 

"What if I punctured her heart, Jamie?" Meredith's voice was equally as soft. 

Jamie glanced down, shrugging. "If you had punctured it, you would have known when they reperfused. They-They got her heart beating. The woman's okay."

Meredith started to pace, nibbling on her finger as her mind raced. "So I shouldn't tell Burke?" 

Jamie blinked and let out a noise. It was becoming clear that Meredith was hardly listening to her advice and more like bouncing ideas off of her. She looked distant and only sparing Jamie a glance after she said something. The woman only sighed softly, placing her hand against her forehead. 

"I think you should be honest." Jamie replied. 

Meredith huffed as the doors to the elevator opened to reveal their floor. They paced out of the elevator and started in the direction where their patient was located. Jamie placed her hands in her scrubs pockets while Meredith crossed her arms over her chest, eyes pleading the space in front of her. Jamie wondered if she was making amends with whatever god she believed in; one would assume that Meredith was walking the plank with her appearance. 

They reached the ICU where Meredith was quick to grab Mrs. Patterson's chart while Jamie quietly asked for Burke's post-ops, giving the nurse a small smile. 

Sometimes she felt like she was that med school student making a trip to Mount Sinai where she got a resident to parade her around for the day. Little Jamie staring around flatly until they reached the surgery floor where her resident seemed the least comfortable. Patrick was his name, she thinks, and he was rather timid- she wondered how he was now after becoming an attending. If he made it that far. 

She stacked the charts in an order from most important to least. It would make the process easier to organize now instead of jumping to and fro. Her attention inched back to Meredith who was peeking at the Patterson's over the edge of the chart. Jamie gave a flat expression as she walked past Meredith and into the room. 

Mr. Patterson was standing next to his wife, his hand tenderly petting her forehead and clutching her hand in his own. He looked at her with the most adoration and love that a husband could give his wife. Mrs. Patterson was no longer intubated and seemed to be sleeping peacefully. Her BP was normal for just getting surgery only hours ago, her heart rate was consistent, and her oxygen levels were good. Mrs. Patterson seemed perfectly fine now.

"Mr. Patterson, hello!" Jamie said with her famous smile. 

The man looked up from his wife and looked towards the intern with a strained smile. "Hello, Dr..."

"Oh! I'm Dr. Shepherd," she stuck out her hand. 

Mr. Patterson took her hand and shook it firmly. "You must forgive me, I've met more doctors these past few days than I can count on my two hands."

"It's perfectly fine. These are stressful times." Jamie glanced back when Meredith shuffled inside the room with her eyes resting on Mrs. Patterson. It was as if she feared that if she took her eyes off the elderly woman that she would suddenly die. Jamie reached over to her and took the chart from her friend. "Hemodynamics stable?"

Meredith nodded hesitantly. "Uh, yeah. That's what the nurse put down."

"80..." Jamie mumbled to herself. She wasn't Dr. Burke but she knew that a map of 80 and a cardiac output of 5 wasn't exactly what they were shooting for with this surgery. 

Mr. Patterson's eyes shot between the two doctors as they shared a glance. "That's good, yes?"

Jamie snapped the chart close and grinned at the man. "It is just fine, Mr. Patterson."

He didn't return the smile, a dent appearing between his brows and a heavy frown now on his lips. "But it's not good."

Jamie opened her mouth to comfort him but could only bring herself to look back at the chart. Meredith glanced at her friend with a frown and stepped closer, nodding. "Heart surgery takes a lot out of the patient, but we're monitoring your wife very carefully and she should be fine."

"Just fine." Jamie reassured quietly. She turned on her heel, walking out of the room with Meredith close behind her. She documented everything she had seen in the room and then looked at her very nervous friend. "You have to tell Burke."

"This isn't my fault." Meredith said instantly, shaking her head feverishly. She couldn't put this on herself, this was not on her. It was just a simple post-op complication. 

"Meredith-"

"It's not my fault, Jamie." Meredith said sharply. She shook her head and took the other charts, starting to make rounds. 

Jamie stared after her with a furrowed brow. 

But what if it is?

☀︎

Jamie was balancing her books in her hand when she grabbed by her collar and pulled into a closet. She let out a shriek and dropped all her books, reaching out to attacking her perpetrator when she saw it was Alex. 

"Alex! What the hell?" She smacked his arm and then knelt down to pick up her things. She had been taking notes very cautiously in the library earlier trying to see how much a nail could harm the heart. Jamie was surprised to find quite a bit on the subject as it had happened various times due to sleep deprivation or the weakness of the heart. Yet the woman doubted that Mrs. Patterson had a weak heart to the point where a weak squeeze could harm her. 

There was still a lot to collect. 

"I need you to talk to your brother," Alex spat out before even a simple explanation or hello in return. 

Jamie looked up at him from the floor, tilting her head and bringing her things to her chest. "Derek? What'd he do now?" It had become quite a trend with her friends to come to her whenever Derek had acted more like an attending than her brother. Which didn't surprise her because he was excellent at separating life from work. 

"There's this junkie and he wants me to give said junkie some drugs to fight his 'pain'." The man's voice held a certain malice to it and the urge to flinch back was really strong. Jamie blanched slightly, her eyes regarding the floor sadly, eyebrows pinching uncomfortably. Alex didn't notice however, too focused on pleading his case to his attending's sister. "I know addiction when I see it, this guy doesn't deserve the central line and your brother doesn't seem to understand that."

"Alex," 

"I mean, he described his pain as 'POW, POW, POW', Jamie! Your brother can't be this dumb."

"Alex, please-"

"This guy will just hop to the next hospital if you don't get his help now-"

"Alex!" Jamie's voice cracked a bit and she glared up at her friend. He blinked at her, shocked that she had raised her voice (he honestly thought that impossible). She played with the edges of her books and kept her eyes on his chin instead of meeting his eyes. Jamie would much rather run out this room and continue finding ways to defend Meredith than hear how much Derek didn't know about addiction. 

"Just-Just do the central line." Was all she said as she snapped the door open and ran out of the room. 

☀︎

When Jamie walked up to Meredith's house, she felt as though she was reliving high school. The time Amelia had invited all her friends (plus more) over when their mom was out of town with everyone else. There was toilet paper, bottles, and various other items strewn across the yard that caught Jamie's eye with each step. She clutched her bag a little closer to her when a man stumbled into her. 

The thought of Izzie's party had completely lost her during the events of the day. She had actually expected to get home and study in her room in peace, maybe even set a bath. That was looking like a pipe dream at this moment. Jamie grimaced at the thought of Meredith arriving home and discovering that her small cocktail party was actually a frat party. She imagined something that resembled screaming and telling them that there was going to be hell to pay.

Especially after Meredith had admitted to popping her glove during surgery in front of Mr. Patterson as they were rushing Mrs. Patterson into surgery. She supposedly had a meeting with the chief the next morning to explain exactly what had happened in that OR. 

Jamie pushed the door opened and winced when she saw the coat rack she had bought was now lying on the ground with the coats thrown on the floor. She bent down and placed it back in its place, hastily rearranging the jackets and hats as they once were. Her breath came out rushed, the place was currently a mess.

You'd think a party full of doctors would mean they knew how to keep it clean. 

Assuming makes an ass out of you and me. 

She walked a little further in and was shocked to see Cristina Yang currently standing on their coffee table, dancing with a bottle of scotch in her hand. Jamie watched in bewildered awe as the woman's curled hair bounced up and down with her movements, ever so often she would exclaim a lyric but it was jumbled and slurred. She was very, very drunk. 

"Baby!" Cristina yelled when she spotted Jamie in the entrance of the living room, jaw unhinged. "You made it! Come on!" 

Jamie blinked several times. She cleared her throat and weaved her way through the crowd to Cristina who continued the dance as she looked down at her friend. 

"Have you seen Izzie?!"

"What?" Cristina exclaimed over the music. 

"Izzie!" Jamie glanced around the room again, looking for the blonde and her boyfriend Hank. Although, it was no use. She hadn't even arrived at her own party. "I don't think this was cleared with Meredith!"

"Who cares!" Cristina reached down and pulled Jamie onto the table. The woman let out a yelp as a bottle of vodka was shoved into her hands. She watched once again as Cristina started to sway her hips and bumped her own with Jamie's causing the younger of the two to stumble lightly. Cristina frowned at her and grabbed her wrists, staring into her eyes like she was about to lay down some serious advice. "Baby, when was the last time you let loose."

"Let loose and enjoy the show, JJ."

Jamie frowned at her. "I'm always loose!" She blushed as red as a strawberry when a few people glanced her way. 

Cristina grabbed her bag, throwing it off towards the fireplace and then cupped her cheeks. "If you want to fit in, you'll have to dance!" She grabbed her hands and started to move back and forth with Jamie. The woman slowly started to giggle, those giggles turning into laughs as they began to jump up and down. 

At the entrance of the living room, Meredith and George stared with wide eyes as one drunken woman danced while the other took big chugs of the vodka. Meredith dropped her arm and shook her head, frowning. 

"Is Jamie really-" Meredith stopped herself and tilted her head. 

George slowly nodded, gulping as she raised her arms and laughed like a maniac. "Yeah, yeah... she is." He turned towards his friend and raised his eyebrows, licking his lips. "Is Dr. Shepherd going to kill us for getting his sister hammered?"

"No, but Izzie will." Meredith pushed her bag into George's arms and rushed to join her friends. The two let out exclamations of delight upon seeing her, Cristina smacking her arm while Jamie gave her a thumbs up. 

George watched with some awe as the three women continued to dance as if they were the only ones at the party. Slowly he went to join them, grinning when he joined Jamie's side.

"Georgie!" Jamie exclaimed, cupping his cheeks and placing a wet kiss on his cheek. "You're joining us!" 

George's face lit up in embarrassment as he nodded, shakily smiling. "Y-Yeah!" He grabbed the bottle from her and they all started to dance. 

A true party in the USA. 

☀︎

Jamie stumbled outside with Bailey next to her. The woman wore a slightly amused smile on her face as her intern rambled on about how this night was supposed to be spent studying, not drinking and dancing. Bailey was almost worried with whatever was inside the container she was holding. Jamie had seen her resident leaving the party and telling her quickly that she had, and she quotes, "lasasasa".

Bailey was still trying to figure that out. 

"You're such a sweet teacher, Dr. Bailey." Jamie continued to gush, closing her eyes as they approached her car. Her eyes popped open wide and looked down at the shorter woman. "And you look so pretty. I wish I was as pretty as you."

Bailey shook her head. "To think you are my star intern." She muttered fondly.

"Derek?" Jamie stopped, looking at the car that was directly behind Bailey's and blocking her in. She turned to Bailey with the biggest grin the woman had ever seen. Jamie pointed towards the black car. "It's Derek, Dr. Bailey!" 

Bailey raised a brow as the woman stumbled over to the car. She lent down and tapped on the window and then recoiled. 

"Meredith?!" Jamie slurred. She couldn't help but be shocked in her drunken state to see her friend sitting in her brother's lap. She slapped her hand over her eyes and stumbled back. "Ah! I'm so sorrryy!"

Bailey slowly walked over, leaning down with a bitter grin as she addressed the very shocked brother. "You're in my way." The woman took the container from Jamie's hands and patted her back. "Have a good night, Jamie."

Jamie shook her head, blindly walking towards her home. "I knew it!"

Meredith looked down at Derek with a sigh. "Uh..."

Derek cleared his throat. "I should move my car."

"Yeah, you should."

**Author's Note:**

> Welp.


End file.
